December 2008 Archives

The beginning

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I have always wanted to go to Brazil.
The whole idea of them having summer while we had winter was of endless fascination.

The irresistible, exotic rhythms and happy music permeated my soul since childhood. My parents were samba-philes, and I cut my teeth on latin music along with everything else. Making out to Sergio Mendes as a teenager was a tradition.

The vastness of the Amazon and the endless river with its stories of giant anacondas (my first introduction was through Swiss Family Robinson, when the brothers wrestled with one. It scared the hell out of me) has held me in thrall since I can remember. The campfire stories of the candiru catfish, that swims up your urinary tract if you pee in the Amazon River, also helped put this mysterious country in its own category.

And then there was Carnaval. Half naked girls wearing feathers and shaking their fine Brazilian bodies! Endless music and dancing. Bright, blinding colors and synchronized movement. Unbridled jubilation. Good touch. Bad touch! The bacchanalia to end them all. What was not to love?

The word "carnaval" and the Brazilian spelling with all "a"s is derived from its meaning: "goodbye meat", referring to its being the last bash before Lent. And I gotta tell you, they're not kidding when they say "meat".

Carol.jpgJean's cousin, Carol Cerqueira, and her husband Nelson have lived in Salvador for 22 years, and have two children, Patricia, 20, and Daniel, 17.
Every time they would come to the States, I would swear to them that we were coming to Salvador for Carnaval. Last year, we cemented the plans for a trip that we figured we'd better take now, before we're too old.
Good thing.



Carol Cerqueira

The itinerary

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Flights:
Delta 4537 departs Bhm 6:20pm 1-28-08 Arrives Atl  8:16 pm
Delta 1575 departs Atl 9:15pm 1-28-08 arrives Miami 11:04 pm

TAM 8095 departs Miami 9:05 am 1-29-08 arrives Sao Paulo 8:15 pm
TAM 3170 departs Sao Paulo 10:30 pm 1-29-08 arrives Salvador 11:55 pm

TAM 3191 departs Salvador 10:35 am 2-3-08 arrives Rio De Janeiro 1:45pm

Tam 8082 departs Rio Janeiro 6:40 am 2-10-08 arrives Sao Paulo 7:40 am
Tam 3748 departs Sal Paula 9:30 am  2-10-08 arrives Manaus 11:20 am

TAM 8076 departs Manaus 11:50 am 2-13-08 arrives Miami 4;00 pm
Delta 6115  departs Miami  5:45 pm 2-13-08 arrives Orlando 6:55  pm
Delta 6090 departs Orlando 7:45 pm 2-13-08 arrives Bham 8:20 PM

Staying:
Monday Jan 28th
Embassy Suites Miami Int'l Airport

Tuesday, Jan 29th until Feb 3rd:
Carol (Mollie) and Nelson Cerqueira
Salvador, Brazil

Feb 3rd until Feb 10th
The house is Mirante de SãoFrancisco in Niterói, Rio
Check it out at www.Rioholiday.com

Feb 10th until the 13th (Benje's Birthday)
Manaus/Amazon - Anavilhanas Lodge

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Jean and Nelson

The trip down there

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You know that in order to go to Hell, you have to go through Atlanta. That was true for us. Through Atlanta, to Miami for the first mini-leg of the journey.

Robo and Pettus were on another set of flights that were due to land in Salvador the morning after we did, so Jean and I were alone the whole way down.

The Embassy Suites Miami was nice, but we hardly got a chance to experience the niceness. We had a miserable early awakening the next morning to Jean's obnoxious Blackberry alarm--a three-tone chime thing that's supposed to be cheerful, but is definitely not. It's like getting "Harper Valley PTA" stuck in your head.

The food and selection at the sumptuous Embassy Suites breakfast bonanza was delicious, but we weren't totally able to enjoy it for fear of being late for an overseas flight or getting diarrhea from the eggs.

I love airport red tape like I love a spike being driven deep into my temple, and the intercontinental aspect of the flight made me jumpy in advance. So here we stood in a massive line waiting to check in with TAM. There were only two agents on duty, and each person checking in took forever. I tried to divert myself by watching this group of attractive Brazilian girls, one wearing tight jeans and stiletto heeled leopard shoes. Wheee-doggie! I wanted to know what they were all talking about. Then I realized it had happened again: my itch to be able to speak every language on earth had kicked in.

There has always been the argument of "Oh, Portuguese is just dirty Spanish. If you can speak Spanish, you can speak it." versus "Your Spanish is not welcome here, sir." It's definitely more of the latter as far as real communication, but more of the former in written stuff. Once you knew the similiarities between the two and could exploit them, it was helpful. But they are definitely in no way similar languages. Portugeuse is actually more beautiful than Spanish, the way they do that ZJJJJJ  or JZZZZ sound in everything. It's real slidey and sexy. And the cadence is very lyrical, like Italian. It is one fantastic language.

Back to the check-in line: we noticed a plethora of Barbie Dream Houses being checked through as luggage. Also a big-screen TV, and other assorted appliances. Even a top of the line Graco carseat. It's because not only is the selection in Brazil smaller, the import tax is exorbitant. And with the dollar being the weakest it had ever been, it was cheaper to fly to Miami and buy stuff for your kids and take it back yourself.

We also experienced the phenomenon of the luggage wrapper: a giant rotating wheel of Saran Wrap that they used to completely encase luggage (for a 5.00 fee). I personally didn't care if anybody went through my luggage (which they did). I had brought clean underwear, so my fear of being taunted by the luggage handlers was assuaged in advance.

We waited in this line for about an hour, getting more agitated by the second, listening to nothing but Portuguese around us, mentally calculating exactly how long it was going to take them to process the line, and how it was getting time to board our flight.

Suddenly about 5 agents appeared and began hustling us Saõ Paul-bound passengers through luggage and everything else. It was totally weird. Before we knew it, we were on the plane. All in about 10 minutes. TAM definitely re-defines the concept of "hurry up and wait."

The flight to Saõ Paulo was about 9 hours of intercontinental torture.
We were ONE row behind the roomy exit row, which was filled with sprawling people who would glare at you if you used "their row" to GET THROUGH THE PLANE. As if they owned it!
Jean had the added bonus of the BLACK BOX in her leg space. It was nice, big, sharp cornered, and there for the entire 9 hours.

Oh, they came through with the hot towels that are supposed to make you feel special. Sure. Real special. These "towels" were really like baby wipes heated in the microwave, only without the nice baby smell. I suppose it was rather "refreshing" to wipe my face. Especially when you consider it's surely covered with the spores of all the other inhabitants of the plane. It's probably a health department requirement, considering the way the flight attendants come through with the HAZMAT bag and gloves to pick up the used "towels." It has such a comforting clinical feel to it.

They also passed out some kind of "meal", came through with the drink cart a couple of times, and generally did a great job of ignoring us.

Meanwhile, they were being feted and massaged and pampered up in First Class. I seethed the whole time thinking about First Class. Then I would seethe a while thinking about the people sprawled in the exit row. Then I would seethe a while because I wanted some kind of drink, and they had NONE of the traditional stuff. No bloody mary, no liquor except for scotch! Besides, the liquor cart was as scarce as the Loch Ness Monster, and they didn't seem like they were in the mood to have any of the inmates drinking. It was kind of like, "not an option."

I read a large portion of Rick McCammon's new book, Queen of Bedlam, that I had bought signed from my pal Jake at Alabama Booksmith, so I was at least happily diverted on one hand, if not downright miserable at the same time.

When we landed in Saõ Paulo, the beginning of the Brazilian Airport Clusterfuck had begun! Here we are with no Portuguese, and no idea what to do with our luggage. Some people had told us to pick it up and take it to be checked in to Salvador. Some said not to, that it would go by itself. Nobody knew the answer nor how to tell it to us. And of course I had immediately begun to sweat the minute we landed. Good sign.

It was just like The Amazing Race. I told Jean that I finally understood why everybody gets so huffy with each other on that show.

We finally stayed at the luggage thing long enough to find ours, then dash it over to some mysterious place where a woman yelling into a walkie-talkie shooed it on up the moving belt. She told us in English that our flight was boarding! But WHERE was the flight boarding? Her accent was so heavy that we both nodded dumbly as she gestured wildly and told us where to go. We dashed off and immediately ran out of directional steam.

Nobody knew where we were supposed to go. Nobody knew how to tell us, either, except for a nice British woman who pointed to Domestic Departures and suggested we try there. Good thing.

The leg to Salvador was better. Much less crowded, and Jean and I got to pick seats. We also got the introduction to TAM's candy greeting. A flight attendant cruises casually through the cabin with a wicker basket of chocolate/caramel candies, offering them to each passenger lovingly, as if to indicate that the luxury had really begun. I took only one this first time, but saw others grabbing handfuls. I made a mental note.

Our flight was stocked with cute college age Brazilian girls who were promptly set upon by a bunch of college age Brazilian boys. It kind of portended the Carnaval atmosphere. The stewardesses on TAM wear these tight white knit shirts with a dark blue skirt. Most of them wore it pretty well, but one of our stewardesses had obviously recently gained weight. Her spare tire was kind of funny, and the way she kept rearranging her clothes when we were landing was also interesting. I recognized it immediately, being totally at home with fidgeting in tight clothes. You just want to make the clothes bigger somehow, or fidget your way into an instant 30 pound weight loss.

We met a really nice guy who spoke fantastic English from having lived in NYC a couple of years. His name was Mercio, and he assured us that Salvador was the place to be for Carnaval. He was coming down a few days early just to get in the spirit of Salvador before the big hoo-hah. It was enticing when he talked about all the different music and stuff. Of course, being such a greenhorn at this whole Carnaval business, and taking for granted that everyone in the world will get a Jetsons reference,, (even though there were only 26 original episodes), I stupidly replied to him with "So! It sounds like a bunch of "Samba Ramba Si, Si Si!"

"Oh no," Mercio said. "That is more like Rio Carnaval. In Salvador, there are all kinds of music: axé, fado, blahblahblah."

There was no way to explain the ridiculousness of my remark,
and also, if I tried to tell him that I knew a fair amount about Brazilian music, I'd sound like a pretentious asshole, so I had to shamefacedly hope the conversation shifted.

When Jean and I ran into Mercio again at the luggage thing, we had another exchange about the food, but I was still stinging inside. We finally got our luggage (practically effortlessly, though sweatily)  and headed out to meet Carol. There was a massive, cheering crowd out there, all fired up and ready to scoop up whomever it was trudging out to meet them.
It was like being rock stars.

Arrival in Salvador

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It was late when we arrived in Salvador, but of course we had gotten a second wind for the obvious reasons. On the way to Carol's house from the airport, we ran into a couple of Bahian oddities (Bahia is the state Salvador is in. Like Alabama only, uh, bigger): First, Carol would run red lights on a whim. She explained that at that time of night, the driver could use his own judgment about whether to stop or not. The traffic police were really laid back. WOW! What a concept. We also saw that the traffic lights had a countdown monitor that told how long it would be before the light would change.

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Countdown monitor on traffic light


The second oddity came in the form of a dead chicken and a bunch of fruit and flowers in a bowl by the side of the road. At an intersection, actually, as Carol told us. It's called a bozó, and it's part of a traditional Candomble (a religion of the Yoruba tribe) rite for good luck or spirit warding or something.
She said that sometimes they'll put liquor in there, but I would be of the mind to ward off my own spirits with my own spirits. Give the gods the chicken and fruit.
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Artist's conception of offering

Things were already beginning to button up for Carnaval, and we saw that streets were already being blocked, even though the festival beginning was two days away. We encountered one of these flimsy blockades--a couple of big cones, actually. Carol pointed out that we needed to go through there to get to her house. Bolstered by her description of lax traffic police, I jumped out of the car and began moving the cones.

Immediately, a couple of guys with temporary vests on came running to the car to see what we were up to. Carol explained to them in [what I thought at the time was] flawless Portuguese. They smiled, gave us the thumbs up (Brazil's favorite sign, and very addictive) and waved us on our way. We began winding up a long hill in the Rio Vermelho section when we came to a gate and a gatekeeper. He gave the thumbs up to Carol, raised the gate, and we pulled up next to the first house on the left.

Wow! Security and everything. She explained that the neighborhood employed security after a few incidents had spoiled their peace of mind. It seemed to be an ordinary necessity of living in the city.

The house was incredible. Built in the 60's, it was three levels of great taste in decorating and function with a ventilation system that made the hot Brazilian summer still hot, but more bearable. Oh yeah, I was hot, all right. Perpetually hot. I quickly realized that the house wasn't air conditioned, but the bedrooms were. I found out that electricity is so expensive in Brazil that central air is out of the question for all but some public buildings and the ridiculously rich.

We went downstairs to the huge indoor/outdoor first floor of the house: open on the periphery, but covered in the middle. A couple of lanais were draped with blooming vines. The stonework was incredible, and it was then that we discovered that most of the granite in the world comes from Brazil. The variety and installation differences were stunning.

Carol fixed us a delicious cacophony of Brazilian drinks with fresh fruit: (she tells me umburoska, aceroloska, and cajuroska, It was totally sublime, especially after the TAM-athon we had been through that day.

We were staying in Daniel's room, so we turned our AC on to cool the room off. The Kennemers would stay in the guest room. Daniel was staying in the den, and didn't seem to mind giving up his room at all. I realized on our last day why he loved it in there so much. It was dark, and it was like an icebox in the small space when he turned on the AC. It was Heaven.

Before we went to bed, Carol came in to explain the toilet. We didn't really need any help with that, per se, but she explained that in Brazil, the plumbing and sewer systems are less than stellar. For that reason, the custom is that most Brazilians don't flush toilet paper. They put it in a nice garbage can with a lid on it right next to the toilet.

Carol dropped that bomb first, watched our eyes bulge out, then followed it with a quick: "but we Cerqueiras flush toilet paper. Oh yes we do. And if we have a problem, we get the plunger or we call the man. This is just to let you know how to proceed. Don't put too much paper in at a time." So simple. And her emphatic delivery assured me that some things American are always American.

She also mentioned that they drink bottled water in the house, and that tap water was fine for toothbrushing, and was probably okay, but they still drank bottled water. By that time I was paying less attention than I might should have, being so relieved at having been waived on the toilet paper custom.

Slept like rocks until Jean's delightful blackberrry alarm told us what was up.



First day in Salvador

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I am pleased to report that Carol has sent me a huge amount of information about Salvador and our trip there. It's amazing to read her chronology and catch the stuff I had already missed. She is an organized machine of efficiency, and we will all appreciate her efforts.

pinha1.jpgOur first breakfast (and every breakfast, for that matter) was an incredible sight: fresh fruit of all kinds: pineapple, guava, passion fruit, pinha (custard apple), etc. along with rolled ham and cheese, bread, the best coffee in the world, fresh orange, and/or guava, passion fruit juice, and these little cheese roll things that come in the freezer. They're little round rolls with cheese (not processed, not American, not cheddar) in the middle, and they were a staple in Brazil. You could even find them in snack counters at the various attractions. Pettus got hooked on them, and we had to fight her for them every time they were served. They were fantastic, except for the times when Jean or I felt a little queasy for one reason or another. At those times, the thought of one of those cheese biscuits was pretty revolting. (I kind of analogized it to when Jean got drunk at one of the Legion Field Alabama games when we were in college, and threw up the Hardee's that we had eaten on the bus on the way to the game. Ha ha! Drinking bourbon and coke with flecks of shaker and Birmingham steel mill fallout was fun--and productive. She couldn't eat Hardee's for years after that, and still winces at the thought.)

The Kennemers were coming in that morning, so Patricia and I went to the airport to get them. Same Hollywood feeling, with palpable excitement in the air. These folks were pumped for Carnaval.

Salvador-(1-of-323).jpgI had taken my camera, and pulled it out for the first of over 1300 pictures: Robo in the backseat, going through the canopy of bamboo leaving the airport. Patricia was driving, and explained that one of Carol's friends always said it was like going through a time tunnel, leaving the modern airport and going into Salvador, the heart and soul of Bahia.

On the way home, it seems that every billboard was an advertisement for one of the acts appearing at Carnaval. VoaDois was everywhere. They're a boy/girl duo that Carol said was new. "Prazer, Katê!" or "Prazer, Fred" were the headlines accompanied by a giant picture of either one of their photogenic selves. Katê looked like she was wearing Invisalign braces in the picture, but it made her look even cuter. Jean said that Fred reminded her of Donny Osmond.
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VoaDois - Katê and Fred


When we got back home, Jean was getting a pedicure from Carol's pedicurist, Amparo, so we all trooped upstairs to Carol & Nelson's bedroom to harass her and act grownup.

Amparo has been giving Carol manicures and pedicures for years. She not only comes to the house, but charges what to us would be a ridiculous bargain. But she makes a nice living doing it, and seems happy with her life.

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Amparo's attitude is indicative of the Bahian people. They are so much happier with whatever their lot in life happens to be than Americans could ever be. They are said to be lazy, but that is a total crock. They are very industrious, but they accomplish this without taking life seriously enough to get anybody bummed out. Personally, I think part of it has to do with the music they listen to.

We admired the view from the the bedroom windows and balcony, oohed and aahed over the ventilating windows that were between the bedroom and the hallway, and raved about the upstairs "cold tub" and the office down the hall replete with two computers, internet access, air conditioning, and a piece of art I had done!


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Carol and Nelson's bedroom view

After Jean's manicure and pedicure (for about 10 dollars American), Carol swapped us American money for Reais (hay-eyes). She explained that there was a tourist exchange rate, a black market exchange rate, and a bank exchange rate. The black market rate is the highest, with the tourist rate being lowest, I think.
She gave us between the black market rate and the bank rate. It ended up being about 1.9 Reais to 1 dollar--almost two to one!  She then told us how a couple of years earlier, it was almost 4 to one! Our sad, sad little dollar couldn't push anybody around much anymore, but the exchange rate was still very favorable to us.

 



First day in Salvador-part 2

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Eat me!

It was time for lunch! Carol's household help, Suely Damacena and Maria do Carmo Anunciação Jesus (Carmen) worked feverishly, but calmly with Carol to prepare an incredible first lunch. The guy on the plane, Mercio, had told us not to go for the tourist food, but to make sure and have real Bahian cooking. This was real Bahian cooking! And it was home-cooked real Bahian cooking by the most incredible Bahian home cooks!

We went downstairs to what was quickly becoming my favorite part of the house. During the latest renovation, the Cerqueiras had turned the ground floor of their home into a shangri-la, including an indoor barbeque grill and freeking PIZZA OVEN! (That was Daniel's request, and it is named the Daniel Wilson James Cerqueira memorial pizza oven, even though it's not really memorial.) There's also a little service kitchen with dishwasher, sink, dishes, blah, blah, blah. . .full bath, all with unique fixtures and finishes. . .everything for the smart Brazilian family.

Carol served a delicious stewed chicken dish that just seemed Brazilian at the get-go. We also had incredible avocado salad (shown above) and blackeyed peas, of all things! Who would expect blackeyed peas to be in Brazil? They're so Southern. They're also the result of African influence and cuisine having touched both of our cultures. The relationship was subtle, but profound, as there were many foods in Salvador that were different, but totally familiar at the same time.

There was a bowl with a white meal-like substance, which Carol explained was manioc flour. Manioc is not a grain, it comes from the tropical cassava root. As we later learned in the Amazon, it is pressed repeatedly until all the CYANIDE is removed! It is then ground finely and becomes one of Brazil's most popular condiments. The whole Cerqueira family loved the Manioc flour and it was served at most meals. Everybody tended to mix it with butter and eat it with the blackeyed peas, or in Daniel's case, by itself. Later in the Amazon, we had it oven-cooked like croutons, and it was fantastic.

Carol told us that in Brazil, the big meal of the day was lunch, and that dinner was usually nothing more than tapas or a few bites grabbed at the counter. Nelson usually came home for lunch, and they'd have something nice. One of the reasons, I'm sure, that there weren't that many fat Brazilians.

Speaking of fat: before we headed off on an afternoon outing, I was slated for a pedicure from Amparo. (Robo followed). I thought she could help my ingrown toenails (and his), which she did! I don't know what Robo's success rate was. He "said" it was better, but you never know how that kind of thing is, and he's so gol-durned polite, he'd never complain. Look at the picture and revel in the hugeness of Ben! Robo somehow communicated to Amparo to make the "stinky nose" pose while holding my foot.  HAR HAR! The funny thing ain't the foot.

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First day in Salvador--part 3

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In which Ben wears long pants pretty much against his will.

Jean had read in the travel books that in Brazil, it was okay for women to wear shorts at night, but men usually put on a pair of long pants.  LONG PANTS! I HATE LONG PANTS! Especially in 90 degree weather with 150% humidity. I relented, however, fearing that I'd be mocked by the whole country if I showed up somewhere in shorts at night. I went to the mall and bought a pair of black pants that had a drawstring waist. (it's all I could find) I wasn't about to tuck anything in, especially in Brazil, so I figured they would do fine.

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We had wanted to see Salvador not just in Carnaval costume, but as a day-to-day place to live. Unfortunately, a lot of things had closed not only for Carnaval, but for the peripheral days as well. But Carol had such an extensive knowledge of her city that any type of excursion would yield something interesting.

Carol mentioned that our afternoon outing might stretch into evening and dinner, and I asked if I had to wear long pants. She suggested that I do, in case we went anywhere for dinner that was less than casual. I went for the new black pants and put them on. They were so blousy and leggy that they looked more like hostess pants. Hostess pants for a really fat hostess. Yeah, the Brazilians weren't gonna laugh at those!
        Whatever.
I threw on my favorite blue shirt, later discovering that there was a big hole in the back. Change that to "fat hobo hostess".

We cruised around Salvador for a while, marveling at the way Carol drove her SUV (expensive, gas guzzling SUV--she knows.) through maniacal traffic like it was second nature. I sensed a rhythm to the whole thing, sort of like an elaborate ballet. People would shift and merge fairly smoothly, and though they were usually hauling ass while they did it, it was accomplished with little stress. Or so it appeared. There was very little honking of horns, and I didn't see any kind of irritated gestures from any of the participants. The whole Bahian thing obviously permeates all of life in Salvador.

We briefly went through part of the historic district, which is a wall of incredible colonial architecture at the base of a giant rock face. The Lacerda Elevator was right around there, and I stupidly didn't photograph it. We were in a moving SUV, so I guess that's an excuse. When we passed the Bahian Woman, by Mario Cravo Junior, I had to snap one through the front windshield. Note the blue tint at the top. This sculpture was gorgeous, and conveyed its name clearly and beautifully.

BahianWoman.jpgI gawked at the architecture, and marveled at the way the Brazilians embraced their structures, regardless of the style. They seem to be more free to experiment with modern and retro-modern designs that were functional as well as beautiful. My father, also an architect, had the same opinion of the Brazilian sensibility after a trip to São Paulo in the late 60s. He was not only smitten with the culture and music, but the architecture and great acceptance of the cool designs by the people was totally endearing to him.

One of the particular standouts I noticed in Salvador was a native Salvadoran, Fernando Peixoto, whose geometrically designed buildings dotted the landscape frequently. Many of the places that got an initial "gaaahhhh-laaaay" from me were by Peixoto. Two of his most telling influences are Victor Vasarely and Op-art. Carol also explained that he found beauty in the favelas, Brazilian shanty towns. They are quite beautiful as they appear sporadically around the city, looking like intricate block sculptures planted on the side of a hill. Peixoto has echoed the linear essence of the favelas in some of his work, and it gives the interesting melange of buildings in Salvador a nice relationship.

Our first official stop on the outing was the Museum of Modern Art of Bahia. This sprawling beauty is part of Solar do Unhão, a colonial mansion dating to the late 1600s.
To begin with, the descent to the parking lot alone was an adventure. A super-tight right turn down a steep cobblestone drive (with no railing, as I seem to recall) and then another tight right turn just before we plunged into the sea and we were there!

Of course, we found out that the inside was closed, but there was plenty to take in outside, starting with the view from the parking lot
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Salvador-(49-of-137).jpgIf there's such a thing as a "picture postcard" view, this is it.

Salvador-(26-of-137).jpgWe headed in only to find out that the inside was closed. It didn't deter us from gawking at the buildings that spilled down the hill, halting short of the water.

Salvador-(35-of-137).jpgThis place was breathtaking, to say the least. Even though we couldn't get inside, the art outside was stimulating.
 

The sunset was beautiful, as the pictures attest. The  lambent light at the end of the day is intoxicating anywhere in the world, but in Brazil, it seemed to be even more dazzling than other places. The unbroken sea views punctuated by a great variety of houses and buildings, many painted white, hanging from the hill, caught the light and sent it back with more intensity. It was very strange.

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Looking over the rails on one of the several paths that meandered down the steep hill, we saw three plaster figures lying in a row on the ground. They were creepy-cool, kind of like a Pompeii exhibit or something. It was hard to tell if they were representing sleeping people, dead people, or volcano-fried people.

Salvador-(41-of-137).jpgThe iron gates, by Argentinian born, naturalized Brazilian artist Carybé, were especially striking against the sky and sea.

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salvador-art-hill.jpgBy this time, after hiking up and down the various paths, I was sweating healthily, and the blousiness of the pants was doing nothing to belie the fact that I was quickly becoming galded. If you're not familiar with the term, "galded" is what happens to you when you take a long walk on the beach with a wet, sandy bathing suit on. Being galded makes you walk bowlegged. It also makes you wish you had an industrial drum of baby powder handy. My college roommate, David Franklin, introduced me to the term, and it best describes the condition.

No matter. I was tough. I refused to crack. The pants hadn't gotten me, and I refused to let a little chafing get in the way. I was still too pumped to be there and see all the incredible new stuff.

After thoroughly exploring everything outside, we headed back to the parking lot for a rapidly changing sunset.

Salvador-(25-of-137).jpgHere's a great shot of Daniel and Patricia in the parking lot. Daniel originally had a great looking prom-night- quality zit, but I Photoshopped it out. Notice Carol's SUV in the background.

We hung around the parking lot for a good while looking at the sunset reflect on the water, and generally bathed in the glow.

There were several Carnaval-goers sitting under this antique boat hoist smoking a big fatty. It just seemed another portent of Carnaval. Nobody seemed to care much. We all commented on it, but Carol didn't freak out, the kids barely acknowledged it, and it was truly a Bahian moment.

I was taking pictures of the hoist and sunset, and I'm sure the partiers were initially paranoid about my camera. But then they saw the hole in my shirt, the blousy pants, the Crocs and the bowlegged walk, and figured I was too ridiculous to be threatening.

Salvador-(55-of-137).jpgSpliff by the sea in Bahia.


Salvador-(54-of-137).jpgI'm sure that in the picture below Carol is explaining something about how the boats used to land there and have to get up the rocky cliff or some other historical nugget. She was a geography major at Indiana U, with a masters in urban planning, but her love of history is one thing that stands out. She is a font of knowledge that made every visit a learning experience. And learning is FUN!

Look at Robo in the photo. What do you think he's saying? I love pictures like this, where the narrative is unclear, and subject to interpretation.

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Pettus is very photogenic. Jean hates to have her picture made. Daniel will pose at the drop of a hat. Patricia, too, just not as blatantly.

I suppose part of Jean's fear of photography comes from the lengthy period in our marriage where I would always try to take pictures of her butt when we were at the beach. I don't know why, it's just that beach butts are funny.

She finally got me back with a photo of me that was so heinous that I never again wallowed in butt shots. Our relationship is so much stronger now. I don't take pictures of her butt anymore, I now tell random waiters and salespeople how she has ruined my life.

Carol had decided next to cruise the parade route, and see what might pop up. On the way, we stopped at a beautiful mannerist style church from the 1600s, Santo Antonio Church. It sat majestically at the top of the hill, and was accessed by a steep set of stairs.


Salvador-(59-of-137).jpgTo the left was a grotto with Statuary of Maria, the Vatican (I would assume? please correct me).

Salvador-(65-of-137).jpgAfter I had made it up the stairs, I discovered that there was a service going on. It's always weird to me to see modern usage of old churches. I ripped off a couple of surreptitious photos, but in one, the priest seems to be glaring at me. I guess that may explain the fact that right after, I fell down the stairs.

Salvador-(60-of-137).jpgAll right. I didn't actually fall down the stairs. But the look on his face as he grips his Mr. Microphone is strictly business.

We got back in the car, passing by a guy sleeping on the ground under a tree. Was he homeless? Drunk? We didn't bother him. There was another guy there who was hell bent on making sure we were able to park and get out of there without any problem. I think it was another take on the old "wash the windshield" gag that's so popular in big cities. It has a definite upside as well, I suppose. For a few Reais, you can have one of the locals look after you. They will make sure nothing happens to you or your car while they're around. This local pick-up help was everywhere, and they all seemed to operate the same way. Carol tipped several locals while we were there for performing various impromptu semi-security tasks. Once again, a natural part of the Bahian rhythm.

We proceeded on, along one of the parade routes. During the ride, I snapped a couple of shots from the moving car that are extraordinarily cool
.
Salvador-(68-of-137).jpgSalvador-(69-of-137).jpgThe close proximity of the sea to the road was neat. The whole place was beginning to pack with vendors of all kinds, people selling drinks out of coolers, everything. I noticed that throughout Brazil, individual entrepreneurs would sell drinks out of their own home coolers.


First day in Salvador--part 4

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Egads! It's hard to do this sometimes. But it's vital information for everyone in the world, and I must carry on. There. I'm better.

We were right in the thick of pre-Carnaval madness, right there by the sea. Carol had told me to be careful of my camera. She even advocated not carrying it in some instances, which I agreed with. However, though she said it would be okay to take it with me, her warnings rang in my head, I clutched my camera like a touchdown football wrapped in a blue waterproof duffelette bag with a drawstring that I wrapped around my hand and held tight. I must have looked like an idiot, actually. Then, when I wanted to take a picture, I had to go through an elaborate procedure to even get the camera out, much less focused. Somehow, I managed to take the 1300 pictures despite this condition.

But I wasn't going to be "that guy" with the big camera case slung over his shoulder, gawking at the buildings while I was quietly or loudly burglarized. I wanted to "blend."

Right. Blend. In the first place, I didn't wear any of that quick-dry stuff that Carol had told us was so dern popular down there. Eeek! Anything that is over 1% polyester is not for me. It makes me feel like I'm in a Reynolds Browning Bag, and, quite candidly, chafes my tender nipples. This quick dry stuff is, like, 112% polyester, with the rest being a man-made "fiber" of some kind. I'm sure it will be found to cause cancer in the future.

No, I wear good old 100% cotton, which not only shows sweat, but touts it. I guess my sweaty head could have been another clue. And the pitiful thing is, none of the Brazilians would sweat at all. Neither did Robo. He was amazing. Encased in the shiniest, most water repellent fabric known to man, he managed to carry on for 18 days with nary a drop. The girls would "glisten" like any good Southern girl will.

At any rate, since we had gotten there, I had  begun to drink water like a lost prospector, and could never quite quench my thirst. Hence the amplified sweating and sodden cotton shirts, And the exacerbating of the galding that really didn't turn out to be quite as bothersome as it was funny looking. Jean managed to get a good laugh on a couple of early mornings during the trip when she witnessed the galding that was beginning to look like a clown face.

At this point, many of you may be saying "TMI! TMI!" Well, I'm sorry. There can NEVER be too much information. What I was pointing out via this ramble is that I actually bought water from one of these street vendors while clutching my camera and eyeing everybody with my rapidly rotating head. But they all looked so benign and happy that I began to think that I may be a little paranoid. I loosened up. Especially since we were heading into

Santo Antonio Fortress and Lighthouse
A nautical museum at Farol da Barra. Oldest structures date to 1500s. WOW!

Salvador-(71-of-137).jpgWe got to the gate guy, and Carol (using her flawless Portuguese again) explained that Robo was a professor, so we got a discount on our admission. By this time, I was completely at ease with my camera being there, because there were a couple of guards hanging around, and I figured that a ruffian wouldn't pay the admission to come in and MAYBE steal something. Nope. Safety. But, quite frankly, the guards were probably about as effective as old Asa on Andy Griffith.

The museum was really good, with tons of information about how the area had been important to ships and shipping for so long, blah blah blah. It was old. It was beautiful. It was by the water. I took several shots out of the little windows. They're kinda blurry, but cool nevertheless.

Salvador-(79-of-137).jpgThere was a wall of ships in bottles, which are amazing. Who has the time? Patience? I suppose it'd be perfect for a laid-back Bahian to have as a hobby.

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Old reflector                        old jugs                  through an old lens


By this time, it had begun to cool off a decent amount, and I had all but ceased sweating. It was nice to know that I was actually going to spend some dry time on this trip.

There was a giant promenade area outside the museum on the top floor, that allowed panoramic views of the bay and the nighttime beauty beyond. I got some cool shots, hand-held, of course. Hence the blur. I don't care. Holding a camera for a 2 second exposure is not easy. But results are always interesting.

Here are a couple of pics of Daniel & Patricia/Robo & Pettus that I liked.

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Here's that 2-second exposure shot. Notice the tiny little cruise ship in the distance. That's the same ship pictured earlier in part 3 and a couple of shots prior in this part.
 
fortcruiseship.jpgSalvador-(89-of-137).jpgI've always liked these little turret things. It's quite easy to imagine some little grunt Portuguese navy guy standing in there all day or all night, watching for something he hoped he never saw.

I don't know what the guy in the picture was doing in there, but he never would come out. I don't think he mistook it for a bathroom, although Carol had told us that the world was the bathroom for the Bahian man, particularly during Carnaval. We witnessed it a bunch of times on the trip. It made me feel right at home, being an aficionado of the pissoir alfresco. (My own term. Sounds classy.)

The salt air had made us all hungry. Not really, I've just always wanted to say that. Actually the salt air HAD made a couple of us ready for a little drinky. But really, any air will do.


jump-.jpg Carol suggested we go to Bar da Ponta / Trapiche Adelaide, a bar and restaurant located right on a pier in the bay. We were at the lowest point in Salvador, which is a very tall city. So tall, that the Lacerda Elevator was built, beginning operation in 1873. It was at the time the largest public elevator in South America. In 1907, it was electrified, and in 1930 was modernized. It is still in use today, and transports thousands of Salvadorans up the massive mountain that divides part of the city.

The bar was ultra cool. There was glass all around, with doors that actually opened onto the water. There was no deck. It was kind of crazy. I wondered if any drunks had actually taken a dive out of there. Carol made sure that they were locked and that Daniel wouldn't fall out. Actually, she was probably afraid he would be the type to try and jump.

The menu was extensive as far as drinks went. I immediately thought I'd look for some Meyers's Rum, my poison of choice. Naõ!
The only "dark" rum they had was Brazilian-made Bacardi's! I drank THAT in college.

I looked on one of the back pages, and it was replete with every type of drink known to Brazil. They all contained one fresh fruit or another: passion, guava, etc. They were made with either vodka, that rum, or the Brazilian liquor, cachaca, which is in a ton of different drinks. It's very tasty, and has a rum/tequila thing going for it. The caipirinha is the most popular drink with cachaça, and is the foundation behind a bunch of Brazilian bacchanales. Limes smashed with a wooden mortar and pestle, a few fingers of cachaça, a little sugar, and ice. WHEE!  You can drink 'em FAST! And they're like CANDY!

Salvador-(99-of-137).jpgNelson had joined us from work, and we ran through several rounds of several things that were delicious and heady. We really weren't starving, per se, but managed to order a bunch of different tapas, and spent a couple of delightful hours in the beautiful lighting with beautiful company.  I couldn't tell you what we ate, but it was great. Carol might can.

The waiters were great and friendly, and I of course was beginning to try out my Portuguese. I had been pestering Carol, Patricia and Daniel since we had been there to give me instant fluency. They were falling down on the job, clearly. But a little liquor makes the language barrier nothing more than a little hill that you can merrily climb to happiness. Sort of. I suppose it was really the liquor, the hand signals, the facial expressions, and the rapid translation from Carol, Nelson or the youngsters.

Who cares! It was fun. And it was, as Carol said, the way Brazilians do a meal. They DO a meal. They sit with it, and enjoy the company of those eating with them. This is definitely not a TV-tray society.

After a great little meal, we ambled on out to the car to head home. On the way, we stopped in a gallery that had some beautiful cypress wood pieces. They would be perfect at Robo and Pettus' house, so we went in and checked the prices. I can't remember what they were, but they were affordable, due to the 2/1 Reais to dollar thing. I salivated for the 4 to 1 days of exchange. BAH!

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We got to the gate at the house, got the cheery thumbs up from the guard, piled out of the car and spilled into the house. Of course we headed downstairs, and Carol had me bring my iPod with some of my Brazilian music on it. It was very cozy.  Pettus lazed around in the hammock, Jean had a Diet Coke, Robo and Daniel played ping pong, and Patricia just hung. Notice Pettus' funerary pose in the hammock. She told us later that she was feeling a little squeeby at that time. Imagine that.

See the painting over the ping pong table: Our Lady of the Ping Pong Table. It was a gift to Nelson from one of his sons. Carol had said that they didn't know what to think of it, really. I told her it needed a good name. It now has one.





Salvador-(106-of-137).jpgIt was bedtime.



Second day in Salvador--part 1

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Wow! Who would figure that it would take so long to get through just the first day? This blog is gonna zoom right along, I can already tell!

Our awakening to the three chimes of death was just as pleasant as ever, but we made it out of bed nevertheless. Morning ablutions in a new place are always strange. Here we had the added benefit of a non-handicapped toilet height, and the lurking fear that a clog was right around the corner. PLUS, I was having to get used to the deodorant Jean had bought me. I asked for plain old Old Spice, and she brought me Rite Aid's "compare to Old Spice". Most of the time, that gag works fine, but not this time. I couldn't get used to this weird stuff. Plus, with all the sweating and confusion and chimes, I had completely forgotten Carol's words from a couple of nights earlier: "We usually drink bottled water here."

I filled the water glass with water from the tap, took my umpteen morning pills, and chased them with the water from the little glass. At that point I kind of remembered the bottled water thing, but thought it would be too much trouble, and anyway I had already taken the pills and aren't I just about immune to anything?

Salvador-(107 of 137).jpgWe had an incredible breakfast, and this is the picture of that breakfast, which I lied and showed in an earlier post as "the first breakfast". Okay, so this is really the second breakfast.

It was hot.

Nelson's masseuse, Luciana, was coming to the house that morning, and Jean wrangled a massage with her after Nelson's.

Carol had mentioned that since we were interested in daily Salvadoran life, that she was going to the market that morning if any of us were interested. Of course I wanted to go, as did Pettus and Robo. Jean couldn't go because of her massage. Patricia was up, but said "no thanks". Daniel was still asleep in the air conditioned lair of comfort.

We got in the SUV, accompanied by a bunch of Carol's great Portuguese to the gate guy, a lot of thumb upping, and my first realization that the gate guy kept birds! He had three (I think) cages with birds in them. Couldn't tell you what kind, but Carol could.

Now what does that tell you about your gate guy? He is tuned in enough to keep birds. He is reliable enough to keep birds. He is happy and thumb-uppy, as are the people around there. It's the Bahian spell of coolness. They are so cool because they have to be. It is extremely hot there in summer.

Oh, I said, "I live through Alabama summers of 105 degrees, blah, blah,blahblahblahbla. But when you kind of don't expect it, like, in the middle of YOUR WINTER, it's discombobulating. And I sweat like that in Alabama, too. But Alabama has air conditioning. You can escape from the heat. In Salvador, the heat obviously becomes a part of you, because you can't afford to cool it down.

Well, at least Carol's car was air conditioned. I asked her why she drove an expensive SUV. She really didn't know. In her neighborhood, Rio Vermelho, Carol is very well recognized and liked and is not seen as a cocky outsider type. The SUV, I think, gives more weight to her presence in the neighborhood, and elsewhere in Salvador, SUVs are more prevalent.

We drove right down her steep hill and took a turn or two and were at the market. Right at Carol's feet, literally, was an orgy of smell, color, sound, etc. Everything fresh, as you would expect, but I mean FRESH. And as far as location, if you were clever enough, you could probably figure out how to roll there from Carol's house.

Salvador-(111-of-137).jpg
This market had everything for the Brazilian chef. Everything was fresh. Like, totally fresh. The fish didn't smell fishy. All the earmarks of quality were present.

Did I mention that it was hot?

We started to cruise the booths. I had my camera in duffel position #2, for lower security requirements. In other words, lens cap off, camera stuffed in bag carried at side.
I was confident that a thievery would end up being like something in a Peter Sellers movie with my screaming in my Portuguese, while the culprit knocked over display after display. I eventually carried it out of the bag, still trying to blend in as much as possible. Oh yeah.

Oh the things we saw!

cashewfruit.jpg
meat.jpg
shrimp.jpg
No wonder the fresh shrimp guy is smiling. I'd rather have the fresh shrimp. The dried shrimp is used in countless Brazilian dishes, however, and ordinarily I would have been more interested in the flavor possibilities, but for some reason I was feeling a little revolted by the thought of all that dried shrimp in my stomach. Hmm. What was up?

I continued on, immensely enjoying the experience, including the smells. Robo was kind enough to use his head as a reference point for the size of the shrimp and his skin color as a reference point for the freshness. I was beginning to get the idea that he didn't care if I took his picture whenever I wanted to. I like people like that. He also posed willingly in front of the nice rooster painted on the wall. It was neat. Kind of like something at the Alabama State Fair. It looked very American.  But it had been there long enough to have seen a lot of market days, and its age and seniority were impressive.

robo.jpg
Notice the Havaianas that Robo is wearing. They're the craze in Brazil, and obviously here, too. I saw an ad for them in New York Magazine. Their TV ad campaign in Brazil is fantastic. Funny, sexy, spot-on. They're great, no doubt. The ones Carol got us had a tiny little Brazil flag on the thong part. The story I heard from Patricia is that Giselle Bündchen (Brazilian supermodel, who came to US attention on the arm of Leo DiCaprio and now hangs with Tom Brady) is making her own line of flip flops and sandals (not Havaianas) hot in the U.S.

But it's as if they were the greatest thing since sliced bread, and so new and hip and all. They're just flip flops from our childhood that used to cost 59 cents at Woolworth's! Came in all the colors. Same material. Same propensity to blow out. Fantastic product. One of their most distinctive features was your having to get over "flip flop shock," which inevitably set in for about a day when you first started wearing them in earnest at the start of summer.

I was glad to see this classic so well recycled and received. They cost about 12 to 15 bucks here. I think they were about 5-7 American down there. Long way to travel from 59 cents, albeit 59 cents from 50 years ago.

octopus.jpgWe proceeded on through the market, stopping to gawk at the likes of the octopus (above) and other stuff so exotic, so unfamiliar, and so utterly common to the people who were speaking the language I couldn't understand.

By this time, we had acquired the company of a nice Bahian lad named Ian (pronounced Yuhn), who was more than willing to push the grocery cart, help with the vendors, and in general make himself as useful as he could. He couldn't speak a lick of English, but was fascinated with our Americanness, I'm sure. He was all smiles, all help, and actually trying to make a tip or two instead of just hanging around the market. Carol speculated that he was the child of one of the vendors, and that many of them had grown up on that same spot, doing the same thing. But never did I get the idea that anybody there really hated their jobs. Bahian smooth. That's what they were. I began to think of how many of them had grown up with the rooster painting.

rooster2.jpgIn the next picture, Ian is helping to pick out and weigh a soursop. Looks like something from Yellow Submarine. We also went in search of a good jackfruit, but had no luck that day. Carol was great about serving us every unusual Brazilian fruit and vegetable she could find, explaining it all as we ate. It never ceased to blow my mind how many different types of foods there are on the earth, and how they can be nonexistent in one place and common in another.

soursop.jpg
Pettus and I wandered outside to look at the flowers and stuff. By this time, I was so brave and at home that I was casually taking pictures of anything I felt like, always asking first, of course. Nobody said "Não". I think some of them must have thought I was from an American travel show. They get those more frequently these days.

flowers.jpgHow crazy are these flowers? The ones on the right look like those things you use to dip honey out of a jug. They are so unreal looking, but symmetrically perfect and beautiful. Nobody tops nature. Of course there was a dog, and of course I began to pine for our two papillons, Zoey and Spike. They're unbelievably obnoxious, but are so entertaining to Jean and me that the downside is worth it.

Whenever we go out of town, I always "personify" Zoey and Spike using other dogs, and oftentimes other animals as well. Spike is easier to impersonate because he's the dumber of the two. Even beach birds remind me of Spike when I'm missing him and Zoey.

dog.jpgStrolling back inside, we hooked up with Carol, our assistant and Robo. I was hot and I was thirsty. What a great time to run across this next item--tobacco, I think.

doodoo.jpgWoo! Needed some water bad. Carol bought us all drinks, and I chugged mine while explaining in my fabulous virgin Portuguese to the guy that sold it to me how I was sweaty. I can't spell it properly right now, but will correct:  estoy suado is what I heard when Patricia told me how to say it. So I would go around Salvador telling everybody that I was suado, as if they couldn't tell by looking at me. Of course, they probably had no idea what I was saying, and just wondered what the sweaty guy was babbling about. But when I was saying it correctly, it would usually get a giggle out of the girls.

OurPal.jpgOf course there's no "checkout," since you buy your stuff from each vendor, so when we were through looking, we were ready to go. Ian took all of Carol's stuff out to the car, and in what became quite a production, another guy joined in to make sure that Carol got out of the parking lot with no mishaps. I think she tipped our assistant about one Real (plural, Reais), and maybe even gave the parking coordinator something, too. Maybe some change. But as she explained to me later, it's a good thing to have these people looking out for you and your car, not only for security reasons, but also because they will always find you a place to park.

On the way out, Carol pointed out a guy who sold a type of porridge out of a little metal heat box on wheels. She said he comes through the neighborhood and the stuff is delicious. I got the idea it was like smooth grits with sugar, possibly cream of wheat. At any rate, I think it was a hot cereal that was tasty with sugar and milk. There are lots of Salvadorans that make their living serving food to the public in a floating fashion. Consider also the water guy, who totes the bottles of water up Carol's steep hill and brings them to the door. There is absolutely nothing slacking about the Bahians.

We serpentined ourselves up the steep hill back to the house, got the happy thumbs up from the gate guy, said "hey" to the birds, and barreled in the house. Suely and Carmen were working on lunch. Jean had just finished her massage. The activities were very domestic and comfortable, only in a language that I didn't understand. It just killed me.

I can't say much about lunch, except that it was fresh, delicious, and totally local, with fresh crazy fruit on the side and manioc flour front and center. For some reason, my appetite was severely depressed, and I only wanted water. Strange.

homagetoOLPPT.jpgI took a couple of shots whilie we sat around after lunch, with the highlight being the proper homage to Our Lady of the Ping Pong Table by Robo and Daniel. Perhaps I should have joined in. Maybe it would have helped alleviate the tiny knot in my stomach.


Second day in Salvador--part 2

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RioVermelhoNeighborhood.jpg
How cool is this house?  How annoying is that graffiti? Oy vey! The graffiti! Salvador didn't seem to be quite as rife with it as Rio was, but it was still everywhere. On overpass supports and such, there were often elaborate pictures and designs painted there, and many were fantastic and beautiful. That's really a different thing altogether than the graffiti above, isn't it? But it kind of begs the question: "What is 'acceptable' public art?" Did some official in the government of Salvador allow the overpass artists to paint unmolested? Does somebody regulate that kind of thing? Did the government know about it, or was it a surreptitious creation? In the case of the graffiti above, it could just as well be something by Basquiat, but it's still graffiti.

On this little excursion, Jean wasn't there because of her massage with Luciana. Carol was going to show us her gym, the Villa Forma, which was extensively renovated by her architect friend, Arilda Cardoso. The gym is in an old colonial-era building that is incredibly beautiful, especially now that it's restored. Note the building next door that has not been restored. It's almost like a bad Photoshop job.

VillaForma2.jpgArilda's modus operandi is to use an eclectic array of not only local materials, but many recycled materials, and incorporate them in an artful fashion with as much of the original interior as possible. Some stairs were colonial, but the ones that weren't were treated differently, one with a random adornment of tiles.

Tiles are everywhere in Brazil, and I was totally enamored with the look. Arilda's combinations were fantastic, because of the total random placement. It made them blend with the natural elements of the place.

VillaForma1.jpgIn the pictures above, you see the entrance viewed from the aerobics studio that is above the pool. The pool and aerobics studio above are shown on the right.
By the time we finally went in the front door from the courtyard, I had already shot several pictures. The two young Brazilian hardbodies working the desk informed me that I couldn't take pictures without permission. I meekly put the camera in duffel position #2 and continued to gawk at the imaginative renovation.

Carol, who is from Indiana, politely doesn't take any shit off of anybody. She did or said something, and within a few minutes, I had permission to take pictures. Carol remarked that it's amazing how low level people with a modicum of power usually wield it. At any rate, her incredible Portuguese, and my usage of "beleza" and "suado" won us the keys to the kingdom.

VillaForma4.jpgHere are those stairs I mentioned, and here's Robo not only making me feel bad about myself with his fitness, but being in a terrible backlight situation. It's just like him to do that.

Second day in Salvador--part 3

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With our dispensation, we felt free to roam the Villa Forma gym, which included a tour of the men's locker room. There was nobody in there, thank goodness, because I felt like a camera and a locker room were as good a mix as Drano and Parson's ammonia. The inside was cool, with old terrazzo flooring and antique lockers. It wasn't a spacious, luxurious haven like the ones here in the U.S., but it had them beat hands down, character-wise. There were old photographs of U.S. movie stars such as Marilyn Monroe and the Rat Pack all over the place. It was very cool, and the age of the building and the luxury of the terrazzo floor made it all come together beautifully.

We said goodbye to the hardbodies at the front desk, who had become much more personable. Out the door and around the corner was a small hotel that Arilda had also done. Since I was totally hip to what Arilda was doing, Carol thought we'd like to see the hotel, too. Right across the street from the gated stairway was The Twist Pub. More homage to old U.S. stars. Very neat picture.

twistpub.jpgUp the narrow, gated stairway we found ourselves in one of the courtyards of Catarina Paraguaça hotel. This was another example of Arilda Cardoso's use of recycled materials, varied tile, and functional use of space.

The large courtyard featured a large sculpture by Mario Cravo, Jr., artist of Bahian Woman. Every angle and color comprised a beautiful composition in any direction you looked.

Salvador-(16-of-186).jpgNotice the Braque-like painting in the picture on the right. Another Mario Cravo, Jr. His work was prevalent, and very good.

Inside the hotel there was an entire wall made of different tiles from every type of source imaginable. Some were handmade. Some were antique. Some were new. It was an eye-popping display, and I have no idea why there's no picture of it.  Stupid!  Stupid! Stupid!

Onward.  Homeward.

Salvador-(19-of-186).jpgBut not before stopping at a small bodega where Carol knew everybody, of course. I was sweating like no tomorrow by this point, and dying of thirst, so she bought me a water and herself a coffee. I chugged the water so fast that it collapsed the bottle, shook my sweaty head, and decided I wanted some coffee too! Especially from this charming lady, who looks like a professional model from a travel brochure. Well she's not. And Carol knows her.

I laid my old suado act on her to everyone's delight. Upon reflection, I have determined that my doing that is sort of like some Frenchman running around Birmingham saying "I'm stupid" in shitty English. I've decided to chalk it all up to charms of the language barrier.

Robo, meanwhile, had discovered that they had liquor in a little cabinet, and we began examining all that they had. Same old Bacardi Gold. A bunch of cachaça, but at that time we didn't know how to uncork its charms. He got the lady to open the cabinet (just like here in America!) and he got some kind of liquor. I think it was the Bacardi Gold. A dying man will drink anything in the desert. He also bought some toothpaste. I think it was toothpaste. It was some kind of personal hygiene product. He had forgotten to bring it, whatever it was.

Little wonder he forgot something. He and Pettus had packed in TWO lousy suitcases. TINY suitcases that a chipmunk could carry. Jean and I were packed in 3 behemoths, with wheels that wobble just enough to throw them off balance frequently during the airport dash.

Jean had been forced to pack in 30 minutes due to last minute work crap before we left. Being that neither one of us had done any kind of major prep, when Pettus showed up at our house to take us to the airport the first day, Jean was still throwing stuff at three gaping maws of Samsonite covering our bed.

And that's not all! By the time Pettus had dropped us off at the airport, Jean had come up with a list of things she had forgotten to pack. Pettus said she'd get them and bring them to us. I can't remember what they were, but there were several. Such humiliation.

It was so much fun schlepping all that luggage around.  SO   MUCH    FUN.

We went back to the lot we had parked in, Carol tipped the guy and covered him with her pristine Portuguese, I told him I was sweaty, and Robo stuttered out something in bad English. We all gave him the thumbs up as we headed out. It felt good.


Second day in Salvador--part 4

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Arrived back at Carol's in time for my massage with Luciana. I say it happened after our trip to the gym, but it more likely happened before we went. At any rate, we had booked me a massage for that day, and it was time.

Luciana is beautiful, lithe, and a great masseuse. She gave the kind of massage I like. Not one of the ones where you grit your teeth as they knife their way down your spine. No, she had one of those three headed massage robots, some oil, and some jungle sounds. A mat on the floor, a bath towel, and she was ready to do her job. I naturally worried that there might be something unsightly showing--who knows what--but got over it pretty quickly.

As great as the massage was, my head felt like a concrete block when I got up, and that tiny knot in my stomach had returned to say "Hi. How was the massage?"

I went into the den where Daniel and Patricia were watching Brazilian MTV. Whoa! What a trip! There was a show based on that cover band gag that featured a wired up shirtless Brazilian guy with neatly trimmed beard, a few tats, a pair of harem pants and a white fedora. So here he is hammering away in Portuguese, and he has a pantomime "sidekick" who looks like him and is dressed like him and imitates every move he makes. Patricia explained that it was because since the bands imitate other bands, he had his own host imitator. It was crazy!

The first band was covering the B-52s, and the other one was covering Blink 182. The set was small, sand covered, with a pair of bleachers for the live fans (many of whom were old as shit, some Japanese, who KNEW who they were?), and a big wrecked boat, on top of which were two Brazilian hotties dancing and posing. There were three Brazilian celebrities who voted for the bands in each competition: two comedians and a hot model type. Of course the vote was always even until the very last.

During the blast of speedy Portuguese, I heard the word "muthafucka" several times! CRAZY! I also saw my first commercial for Havaianas.

This über-hot Brazilian girl in a bikini is strutting down the beach, and an ordinary guy is lusting after her. She turns to talk to him! He can't believe it! She asks him to hold her Havaianas. He gladly agrees! She struts off, and when she returns, the guy has the shoes in his mouth. He sheepishly gives them to her, she smiles, and the camera shot widens to reveal a big beefy guy. She promptly hands him the flip flops. "Thanks for holding my boyfriend's Havainas," she says sweetly. They run off.  HAR!!! It was fun watching TV with Daniel and Patricia.

No rest for the wicked. It was time for the afternoon excursion.

We were headed into a very old section of Salvador, Santo Antonio Alem do Carmo. Up a huge hill to a large square with a fort and a church on it. Both old as hell, both beautiful. The fort, Santo Antonio Alem do Carmo, was a beautiful white edifice perched on the top of a hill overlooking Salvador. It had recently been renovated to house many capoeira schools in the area. Capoeira (CAP-pa-WAIT-a) is incredibly popular in Salvador, and other parts of Brazil as well. It's a martial arts dance/game devised by the African slaves in 16th century Brazil. In this fort several internationally famous schools were housed.

The first one we visited was run by Mestre Boca Rica, Manoel Silva. Here I got my first glimpse of a berimbau, the primary instrument played in capoeira.

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Yes, I bought a CD and had Mestre autograph it! He spelled my name right (with Carol's incredible Portuguese prompting). Here's one of the tracks.

02 Quando Eu Vim Para A Bahia.mp3

I think I can talk Robo into bringing this whole berimbau/capoieira craze to Birmingham. It's sure to catch on with our athletic youth. And I may be 55, but I can still kick!

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Second day in Salvador--part 5

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Mestre2.jpgThe Mestre across the courtyard from Mestre Boca Rica

We said goodbye to Mestre Boca Rica, and proceeded to peek in a couple of the other classrooms that ringed the courtyard. There was nobody in any of the ones on Boca Rica's side, so we crossed the massive courtyard, stopping to marvel at a big concrete cylinder in the middle.

Once on the other side, we encountered the school of this guy. I never got his name, but there were two or three people fluttering around him like he was somebody important.

I began to wonder if he and Mestre Boca Rica would duke it out with dueling berimbaus across the courtyard, and then go all capoeira on each other in the middle.

At any rate, he posed for pictures without complaint. On the wall just as you walked in was a portrait of St. George and the dragon. It was the second time I had seen it down there. It is obviously one of their important motifs.

At this age, you never pass up a bathroom, so after stopping at the sanitario, we headed toward the gate. On the way out, we decided to investigate the concrete cylinder, and found that it was a wall around an old cistern. The wall looked new, and I wondered what blocked it in the past. What a laugh that would be to see some guy capoeira himself right into this hole.

cistern.jpgOnce outside, we discovered the beautiful view off the mountain.

FortView.jpgAt a right angle to the fort on the courtyard was an old, beautiful colonial church, Santo Antonio Alem do Carmo. It is obviously still in use, because there was brand new playground equipment in front of it, and there were even a few food vendors already set up around the perimeter of the place square.

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Of course one of the things I liked the best about the whole view was the gang of lazy dogs just hanging around and reminding me of Zoey and Spike. They were funny. They'd lay down for a while. Get up, walk around a little bit and then lie down again. They were oblivious to everything, and I would have loved to have met them, but decided to forgo it.

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tiletower.jpgIt was time to wend. We were in a very old section of Salvador, Santo Antonio Alem do Carmo, (duh), one that had recently become renovated and brought to new life by Europeans. Carol piloted that SUV like a champion over cobblestone streets that were as old as Dom Pedro himself. The streets were steep, curvy, and lined cheek to jowl with colonial storefronts, apartments and houses.

I managed to take a couple of shots from the car.

We parked in an impossible place for any car, much less a big one, and gingerly alighted from the SUV onto the totally uneven cobbles. Carol had advised that I be mindful of my camera, so I had it in duffel position #1, with drawstring wrapped.

Jean and I were being particularly vigilant of the uneven street, and I was constantly in high mental gear, lest some toughs rush by and try to grab my camera.









cobblestone1.jpgurn.jpgWe passed by edifice after edifice, each scrolled with beautiful colonial details. It looked like something from St. Tropez as much as it did Brazil. Our destination at the top of a couple of hills was an old 16th century convent that was now re-purposed as a 6 star Hotel, the Convento do Carmo.

Carol's dazzling Portuguese garnered us access to limited areas of the hotel ONLY, but it got us in, nevertheless. I only took a couple of pictures, mainly of this urn and whoever would stand in front of it. But only if they would answer the question, "What's a Brazilian urn?" Jean did, but the picture was too blurry. But guess whose wasn't! (Many thanks to my pal Pumpie for pointing out that I originally had written "who's wasn't". I should be KILLED!)





Second day in Salvador--part 6

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Okay, we did this in reverse order, but it really doesn't matter. Dimitri's place was first, followed by our look-see in the Hotel.

We were all standing around outside the Convento do Carmo talking about what we wanted to eat. (Duh). Carol looked up to see a tall, grey haired man in cabana shirt and sandals coming out of the hotel. "Dimitri!" she called. He replied with a beautiful European tint on the word "Moh-leee!" (Mollie) Everybody down there calls Carol that. Her real name is Mollie Carol James Cerqueira. She was always called Carol growing up, since her mother's name is also  Mollie. Once she went to college, she started going by Mollie, since it was her first name, and in college people always call you by the first name they see. So Nelson knows her as Mollie. (They met at Indiana U where he was a professor). And everybody in Salvador knows her as Mollie. Jean and I stubbornly call her Carol. But the "Mollie" is so pervasive, that I even heard Pettus refer to her by that moniker more than once. Her brothers and sister call her Carol, as does her mother, so it's kind of her American name. Mollie is her Brazilian name. It's quite simple.

mask.jpgThe man was Dimitri Ganzelevitch,
the owner of an incredible gallery right down the street from the hotel!

Carol had been telling us about how she and the kids had seen the place at an earlier date, and how fantastic it was. And here he was, right here in front of us! And he was inviting us to his gallery, which is also his home.

We cobble-hobbled down about a half a block until we came to his place on the left. Beautiful from the outside.
Incredible on the inside. This man had great taste in art, and a prescient eye to match. His specialty was outsider art, but he had a lot of established stuff as well. His own collection was mixed in with what he had to sell, and it was an overwhelming melange.

His modus operandi is to find these untrained artists from wherever they hide, and collect, nurture, and show them. The naive art in Salvador is very much like some of the earlier Southern outsider stuff. Before many of the outsiders themselves became savvy to the buck.

One of his artists had developed a method of capturing graffiti and actually lifting it from building fronts by smearing a polymer-type substance on the facade, letting it set, then peeling it off. The graffiti comes off with it, largely, leaving uneven patches that lend even more interest. I immediately saw Basquiat in the canvases, and the fact that it was graffiti to begin with made it all the more sensible. Dimitri congratulated me on my perception (puff, puff) and pulled out a magazine that contained a quote by him about this artist, saying the same thing. I hate to call him "the artist." I wish I had gotten names. Maybe Carol will know what to do? Maybe we can email Dimitri at dimitri.bahia@qmail.com or try this.

The artist worked not only in undercover situations, but in the open as well, when he could. Dimitri told us how he had been ripped off several times by people who would wait for him to complete the process, then steal the result from him on the spot! Wow! Talk about bad karma. Art with a hex on it.

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I wrote an e-mail to Dimitri, and he quickly replied. The name of the graffiti artist is Willyams Martins. The author of the heads is Eckenberger, an Argentinian of German descent. He presently has a showing of 40 years of his works, curated by Dimitri. One friend commented: "I wouldn't want to get into his dreams."
carolarificationbar.jpgAnother of the artists was a surrealist to make Max Ernst stand up and take notice.
The variety was immense, but very, very good. Of course seeing all this new art at once and talking with this guy in his gorgeous, but very hot, house, I had begun to sweat profusely again. I didn't take any pictures except the mask above (when he was in the other room), and I didn't ask him if I could. I wish I had, but somehow it seemed kinda tacky.

His house was incredible, of course. Hundreds of years old, on three levels, with galleries on three floors, it opened on the bottom floor to a courtyard, garden, and freeking amphitheatre! All three levels of this glorious old place had views of Salvador, since we were still very high up in the city. This amphitheatre had terra cotta poles with sculptured heads on top of them inset into the plant covered wall. I finally asked him if I could take pictures of the heads, and he said "of course". So I guess I'm a schmuck after all for not asking to begin with. Sigh. The pictures of the heads are kinda blurry, because they were taken at 2 seconds exposure, and it was dark out there.

Dimitri'scolumns.jpgAt any rate, Dimitri was charming, with an accent that would melt butter. His love of Salvador and his artists was evident. His life seemed to be idyllic. We thanked him profusely and left to get some food somewhere. Carol was thinking rapidly of what we could have. The GPS in her head had keyed in on several options, with her deciding on blackeyed-pea fritters from Dinha do Acarajé in her neighborhood, Rio Vermelho.

dinhaoutfit.jpgHere again, I was a chicken and didn't even bring my camera out. One reason was, I was hot, sweaty, and kinda knotted up in the gullet again. I wasn't thinking properly. I was hungry, I thought. And surely, I was ready for some kind of bebida, wasn't I? Not particularly. We pulled up at an open place on the side of the street filled with tables, and a couple of large tents. It was right across the street from the Villa Forma Gym! I was getting so familiar with the area! Carol and Nelson really do live right over downtown Rio Vermelho, and it's a hopping place! Dinha do Acarajé, according to Carol, had been pitching her tents here for years, and her children were working behind her, and she had a storefront restaurant, and was hugely successful. She was Afro-Brazilian, and her servers wore the traditional turbans and big shiny skirts. They looked so hot. I mean, like it would be hot to wear them. It made me kinda queasy in a way, which is weird.

I ordered a water right away and chugged it. Then we ordered our food. They cook it under the tents, and the waiters bring it to you. I wonder who gets paid for them to do this here. It's like "their spot" and no matter if somebody came in earlier and set their stuff up, I think Dinha would run him off. WHO GETS PAID? We ordered the blackeyed pea fritters stuffed with stuff. It's called acarajé and abará. They were stuffed with vinaigrette salad and pepper, called vatapá. It was marvelous, and the beer I had was marvelous, but I did not possess my traditional gusto. The little knot in my stomach kept reminding me of everything bad I had ever eaten. Crazy.

Regardless of the knot, we had a fine, fine time, and in retrospect, I hate that I was such a puss to not bring my camera. The waiter was charmed with Patricia (as were most of the young men in Salvador), she laid some REAL Portuguese on him, and we headed to the SUV to go up the hill a few blocks and prepare for our first night at Carnaval!



First night at Carnaval, Salvador--part 1

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We got back to the house from eating blackeyed pea fritters, and I chugged another couple of glasses of water. Since there was no Meyers's Rum to be had in all of Bahia, Robo and I had settled on Bacardi Gold made in Brazil. Mixed with club soda and a bunch of lime, Meyers's is pretty dern good. The Bacardi was a sad substitute, and drinking it kind of creeped me out sort of, with my tender gullet and all. But it became the staple drink. Kind of. At any rate, we packed it up to take with us to Carnaval.

One thing about the limes: they don't have lemons in Brazil. Only limes. And they're dirt cheap. They're called limão, I think. Carol had a grocery bag full of them in the bottom of her pantry. It was like the motherlode to me, because I love limes. LOVE!!!! (exclamation marks with hearts instead of dots)

Everybody began to prepare for the trip over to Bahia Flats for our first night of Carnaval. This was going to be strictly observation, but observation is pretty great in itself. Especially when you're shedding water at a quart an hour. I was trying to imagine what it was going to be like the next night when we actually marched in one of the parades. Aiee!!

Carol had advised me about my camera earlier, so I decided not to take it this first night, and only use it sporadically on the next night. What the HELL was I thinking listening to my cousin the gol-durned Cassandra?! Okay, she has a right to be cautious. Everyone in the family except Patricia has been robbed in one form or another, and she's rightfully vigilant. But I just wasn't thinking properly at that moment to relent. There was ALWAYS duffel position #1.

Bahia Flats is a condo that is right on the parade route, and overlooks the water. Carol and Nelson have a unit there that they rent out during the year, but reserve for their personal use during Carnaval. Did anyone say "cushy"? Yeah. I did. There are about 10 million people in Salvador for Carnaval, and they're all lining the streets to watch the blocos, and bathrooms are at a premium. It's like 2 times a New Orleans crowd, and there are two parade routes. The city is PACKED to the gills with mankind during Carnaval. At the Bahia Flats, we had an enclosed terrace that had a dead-on view of the trios elétricos, and the stars performing on top of them.

But we had to get there first.

Good grief, you absolutely should have been there to see us get to Bahia Flats. Nelson had opted out for this first night, so there were 7 in Carol's SUV. Festivals, fairs, any kind of hullabaloo that involves traffic and parking and logistics make me extremely nervous. I hate to be in charge. But with Carol behind the wheel of the SUV, I felt like a baby in the womb. They had let me sit up front, so I had the air conditioner blowing on me, I was able to take off my Crocs and put my sock feet on the dash. I really had no idea where we were gonna park, and how we were gonna get to the condo, but I just blindly followed along.

Between she, Daniel and Patricia, they plotted a path to the Bahia Flats that involved driving through throngs of people that glutted every street. Carol was completely unfazed. She had a RIGHT to be at Bahia Flats, and had the papers to prove it. There were a couple of Checkpoint Chickies, with Brazilian military stopping cars. All she had to do was show her tax records for their condo at B.Flats, and the guys would give the thumbs up for her to plow through the throng.

Which she did, with the delicacy of somebody cooking a soufflé. People would see her coming through, and most would part with either a thumbs up or a smile. WHAT?? WHAT the HELL was THIS?? In America, the car would have been overturned and set on fire by an angry crowd at the get-go. But not here. Oh, a couple of people would slap the car and holler some Portuguese party phrase, but I saw not one iota of malice anywhere. Was Carol freaked out? Not at all. She's from Indiana. During our slog through the crowd, she would often turn to tell us some factoid about this or that. We passed the hospital where Patricia was born, and heard the stories of a freaked out Aunt Mollie calling from America. Ha ha!

After a 30 minute trip through what was like either some kind of birth canal, or the longest colon on record, we arrived at the vertical gate to the underground garage at Bahia Flats. That's exactly right. We were able to park underneath, take either a well-used elevator or the stairs to the third floor, and we were at the place.

ParkingGarage.jpgOn the first floor was the front desk, lobby and terrace, replete with food, drink, and a bunch of incredibly benign-looking, happy people!

Carol took only one picture that night, and it's of the four of us, but I'm going to illustrate this night with pictures from the next night. You really won't mind, will you? The same people were there both nights, and they acted just the same.

revelers.jpgHere's the picture Carol took of the four of us.

taste-of-Carnival.jpgI don't look sick. I look deranged. It's always bad to be on the ends of: a) a hot flash; or b) a wide angle lens. Disaster.

First night at Carnaval, Salvador--part 2

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One of the world-famous
Brazilian butts.


Yeah, they were there. But not in the abundance that I first expected. I really kind of halfway thought everybody was gonna be naked.

Carol took this shot, because, remember, I didn't have my camera this first night due to my chickenshittedness. I could have really done some damage with my camera on this particular model. Alas. Lesson learned. Duffel position #1 will take you anywhere.

The shots you see related to this first night are all lies, you know, but play along, because similarities between the two nights are identical. (huh?)

When we first got there, we headed up to the third floor to put our stuff in the condo. There were two elevators in the lobby to service the whole building, and they were constantly in use. They were kind of old fashioned in a cool retro way, because you had to open a regular door to get in, and they just reeked of an existence that OSHA would frown upon. It was scheduled for renovation, because there was a sign that said something in Portuguese like Pardon our Progress. Uh, Not Now. Soon. Each elevator had a maximum capacity of 6 people. A sign was posted saying such. And people actually OBEYED the sign! I couldn't BELIEVE it! In America, each elevator would have been packed with enough drunk people for a long enough time to assure that each cable would snap and plunge the revelers to their doom. Lawsuits would ensue, blahblahblah.

When I was little I used to think that if you ever were in an elevator that was free-falling due to a snapped cable, if you would just jump up and down, there would be a fifty-fifty chance that you would be in the air when it hit, and after it did, you would return to the ground just as if you had been jump-roping. Har! I'm glad I never mentioned it to Robo. "Mr. Scientist" would have pelted me with words like "inertia" and "gravity" and "dipshit."

The Cerqueira's unit at Bahia Flats was cute as hell.
It had a little bitty kitchenette-ette, a living room/dining room that consisted of a couch and a little round table. One step up was a king size bed with a big closet. There was an open bookshelf that divided the two rooms. The bathroom was big with new granite appointments (duh), and a great shower. It was amazing, and so freeking cozy, it reminded me of when we were kids and would build "forts" out of blankets and cushions and hole up in there.

The balconette didn't overlook the ocean. It overlooked the street one block back, which was thick with partiers, food and liquor stands, blasting music from distorted speakers, and people weaving through the throng with coolers on their shoulders, selling a beer every so often. You could have spent your whole time watching just that and have a good time.

The best feature of the place was the air conditioning. Oh yeah. It worked. And it was on.

We liquored up and headed downstairs, saying boa-noite to everybody we saw, Jean usually forgetting and saying obrigado instead. Which was doubly funny, because she was using the masculine form of obrigado, which would technically indicate to the listener that she was a man. Ha ha! Oh "Mr. Portuguese" was so cool with his "suado" and "beleza". She could never keep up with ME!

Once on the first floor, the revelry hit you in the face like a blast of napalm. The terrace area of Bahia Flats was comfortably packed with genial folks eating, drinking, dancing, and knowing every word to every song that was being sung from the trios elétricos.

firstnightgirls.jpgUh-oh. Something else to fret about. Not only was the music incredible, and exactly what I was used to and expecting, but I wanted to know every song, too. The Brazilians totally embrace their stars, and rightly so, because they are an amazing bunch of entertainers. Ain't a lip-syncher in the bunch. And it's a grueling physical workout to perform live for that long without a break, in 95 degree weather. That probably helps explain why most of the women sing in rich, sexy, contralto voices. They may look like hummingbirds, but they sing like big fat robins.

BAHIAflatsecurity.jpgIt began to dawn on me pretty early that the people were there to have fun, but not in a crazy, excess, MTV-style way. I didn't see anybody dog drunk at all! It may be that it was so hot that the liquor disappeared through their pores. But everybody was happy, not obnoxious. In the parades, there were a few extremists, but not many. And fights were nearly nonexistent. There were a couple, over the span of both nights, but the military police stepped in quickly and nipped it in the bud.

On our terrace, we were watched over by a couple of Bahia Flats security guys. They were incredible. Not only did they wear suits, they didn't sweat, they thumb-upped you every time they saw you, and they kept everything on the up and up. There were a couple of them in the garage keeping it real down there. Every time we saw them, they smiled and gave us the secret sign. It was so nice to see, after some of the Barney Fife style security people in America that think they have more power than they actually do.

Oh didn't we have the fun? Even the stupid Bacardi Gold wasn't too bad, and the knot seemed to be mildly diverted with something else, so I got a little buzz and reveled in the music. I know when we got there late, there were some guys going down the street. Carol had casually mentioned that we were gonna see blahblahblah who was a big star in Brazil, and she was looking forward to blahblahblah coming by. I nodded, figuring it would be good, whatever it was. We went back to wiggling around to what turns out to be Alexandre Peixe followed by Guig Ghetto.


margareth.jpgThey were fun to listen to, and were rhythmic as all get out, but I didn't snap to attention until Margareth Menezes came by with her Os Mascarados show. THIS was who Carol was waiting to see.  All of the blocos and pipocas had a name, and I figure that Os Mascarados must mean something like "the masqueraders".

Wow! When Margareth appeared, I almost fell out. She had powerful Brazilian legs, and did that constant fast samba step that was not only sexy, but invigorating. She had a short dress on that looked like chocolate mousse around her waist. Her hair was a sienna mass of curls lit by the evening lights. In constant motion, she was a sight to behold. In her incredible contralto, she samba'ed and exhorted the crowd to action. On this first night, we didn't know what all the entertainers were hollering, but we learned the next night.

Margareth's music was part axé, part samba, part African. Her CD is called Afropopbrasileiro, and she means it. I didn't know it at the time, but one of the songs that had transported me to nirvana that night was one of her big hits, "Dandalunda." Yippee!

Here's a picture of Margareth that Pettus took with her small Canon.

margareth-carnaval.jpgI'll talk about the blocos and trios elétricos more in the second Carnaval installment, but I'll show you an example of the vendors that roved through the blocos.

firstnightvendor.jpgGuess who was next! VoaDois! Yeah! I couldn't wait to see Katê and Fred! And hell yes they looked just like their pictures, and hell yes they were energetic as hell, and hell yes, at times I couldn't tell when Katê was singing and when Fred was. They were great, though, and the sound was incredible. As a matter of fact, EVERYBODY'S sound was unbelievable. It was like the biggest, friendliest stereo of your fantasies traveling at a snail's pace right in front of you, filling you with vibes that you could only get in that manner.

We were partying our asses off by this time. I was so incredibly suado and carefree! And here's the kicker: there was no vomit ANYWHERE! Nobody was throwing up! You'd expect to see people by the tens marching down the street, spewing as they went. But NO. These people had fantastic governors on their bodies, I guess. They could party to the very maximum without ever really going over the edge. I could be totally wrong about this, but I don't think so.

Meanwhile, VoaDois was kicking ass on top of a massive, corporate-sponsored machine that was propelling this party into the stratosphere.

I didn't see Katê's braces. I looked.

It was eventually time to go home, being about 1:30 or so. They do everything in military time there, so combined with the fact that I had no idea what time zone we were in, and never wear a watch, I'm only guessing. I just know it was late, and we still had to penetrate the human mass for a good twenty blocks before breaking free.

And we did! Carol's expert piloting of the SUV, a fresh Bacardi Gold and soda, witticisms aplenty from Robo, Pettus, Jean, Daniel and Patricia, and we were home to a thumbs up and a soon-to-be-air-conditioned bedroom.

Nelson was up when we came in. We fixed another drink and Robo and I went into his library to see what was an until-then unseen part of the house. WOW! He had everything. In all languages! Robo and I marveled at every part of it. First of all, it was catalogued and shelved appropriately. I saw a bunch of books that I have actually read, many in two other languages. I was also able to bullshit my way through a few titles that I had heard of but not read. An advantage of hanging around a lot of English majors. I didn't see any Hardy Boys. And he calls himself a "scholar"!

Off to bed in a cooling environment. Then there's Jean setting that gol-durned Blackberry for God-knows-what hour. I hate that thing.


Third day in Salvador--part 1

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We figure we must have gotten to bed around 3:30 the night before. Jean and I both were totally eager to get up the next morning.

blackberry.jpg"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"


silence long enough to almost go back to sleep

"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"


Jean, of course, has managed to ignore all of this. Another minute of ­silence.  Almost     almost           almost

"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"


I HATE THAT BLACKBERRY! HATE! HATE! HATE! And here's the truly insidious part of its alarm system: a full three-minute pause in which you have time to lower your blood pressure from all the hate previously expressed, relax, and float back into the arms of Morpheus, who quickly turns back into a screeching harpy
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"
"Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime-Cha-chiiiime!"


Jean was still impervious to the whole affair. With stomach roiling, I sluiced out of the bed, grabbed the malefactor by the cord and dangled it in front of her snoring face. "You need to turn this thing off," I pouted. "I don't know how." Actually I DID know of a way to turn it off, but I didn't want to upset Brazil's delicate sewer system, and I definitely didn't want to have to "call the man" to unstop the toilet.

It was 10:00. Carol had obviously let us sleep, but had herself been up since 8:00 bustling around the house getting ready for the first of two parties she was having in our honor. Simply amazing. Here we were barely alive, and she had already scouted and climbed a jackfruit tree, paid a friendly Salvadoran to carry it and her up the hill on his back, meanwhile peeling and preparing the jackfruit in ancient Bahian tradition before she even arrived back in the kitchen. Okay, not really. She was probably making coffee or something. But the house was definitely alive, even though we weren't.

I drew a little solace from the fact that Daniel was still asleep in his lair, and would continue to do so for another couple of hours. Vicarious living through the young. If only they could bottle it.

Carol's notes say that this morning was when I had my massage with Luciana, which is probably correct. It also explains why I lurched back to the bedroom, took a shower, then promptly flopped on the bed in my underwear and began to doze. Jean, meanwhile, was getting ready, dodging three giant suitcases and their contents, my sodden clothes, and was oblivious to me lying there.

Then Carol came in and told me to cover up, I was embarrassing the help. WHAT?? In "naked" Brazil? Curiouser and curiouser. You'd think that my big leviathan self sprawled out in my underwear would be nothing to them after all their thongs and stuff. In actuality, she probably wanted me to cover up because I was grossing everybody out. THAT, I'll believe.

Today's party was going to be barbecue and roskas prepared by Sr. Itamar and his assistant/barman Joasias. Of course in Cerqueira-la there just happens to be an incredible barbecue pit. Obviously the chefs in the area will travel and work parties readily. Ordinarily this kind of thing would have me down there swilling liquor and cleaning the grill with my teeth. But my gullet was doing half-gainers on me, so I wasn't sure.

meatmen.jpgI did manage to go back to sleep, covered up of course, and stay in that position until well after most of the guests had arrived and all the pre-party flurry had taken place. I dragged myself up in time to slip into my new pair of Havaianas, grab my camera and gingerly make the trip down the stairs to the party.

meatmeat1.jpgYep. They were all there. Nothing like walking into a room of people you don't know with a head like a rock and a stomach like a dinghy on the open sea. Good thing I had my camera. Carol had invited several of their friends, many from the Expats Society, and they exhibited the same characteristics as the other Bahians. Everyone was laid back, gliding through the heat like it was nothing.

Breedloves.jpgTwo of the guests, David and Betty Breedlove, were in Brazil because of David's job at Ford. David had bought a ticket to march in the Chiclete com Banana bloco, which is, like the biggest one, and was scheduled to begin in the late afternoon.

Patricia told me how all of her mother's friends want her to call them by their first names, but Betty Breedlove prefers to be called "Mrs. Breedlove," just as Patricia has done since childhood. Patricia obviously prefers it, too, because she said she couldn't call her anything else.  I, personally, love the moniker "Mrs. Breedlove." It sounds like the name of a sweet little English lady that would serve you scones. It's also the name of the next-door neighbor of Patty McCormick in The Bad Seed, one of the greatest old black & white shockers EVER.

Third day in Salvador--part 2

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What are "roskas"?

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When I said we were having barbecue and roskas in the last entry, you probably said, "Well that doesn't tell me a thing, Ben! Tell me more."

Allrighty then!

Here's a picture of one of the roskas Joasias the Great made for us. This one is undoubtedly lime, sugar and either cachaça or vodka. This next picture shows the stuff he used. Limes for days, whatever those orange things are (some kind of orangey thing, I think. What the hell was it? Carol??) Then the other thing in the tupperware next to the limes that looks like kiwi fruit.

The procedure is: cut up a bunch of the fruit, smash it in the mortar and pestle, add sugar to taste, add cachaça, vodka, or even rum, and pour over ice. This was more of the type of drinks we had at Trapiche Adelaide. Also the thing Carol fixed for us the first night, and I quote:
Carol fixed us a delicious cacophony of Brazilian drinks with fresh fruit: (she tells me umburoska, aceroloska, and cajuroska, It was totally sublime, especially after the TAM-athon we had been through that day. Notice how two out of the three names for the drinks end with "roska." I have no idea why "aceroloska" is different, and just two letters are transposed. I even looked it up on Google to see if there was an "aceloroska". There WASN'T! There were, however two entries in Portuguese referring to "aceroloska." Curiouser and curiouser.

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Roska 101: Drinks made from mashed fruit, sugar and vodka. The suffix "roska" was invented as it sounds to the Brazilian ear as Russian as Vodka itself. If you mix lime and sugar with cachaça, it becomes a caipirinha; lime, sugar and Bacardi (is there any other rum?) is a caipirissima. The construction of the flavors of roskas seems to be the only exception to hard and fast Portuguese spelling rules. Umbu + roska = umburoska; kiwi + roska = kiwiroska; caju + roska = cajuroska; but, acerola + roska = aceroloska, as siriguela + roska =sirigueloska. I consulted Nelson on this, and he said the rule appears to be according to what sounds best.
carolarificationbar.jpgIt was all coming together in an insidious way. They were trying to foist their fruits and liquors off on us unsuspecting tourists. There's no question that a drink made with fresh fruit makes you think you're having something "healthy". In the same manner that food eaten while standing up has no calories.

FixinsforRoskas.jpgThe sight of the limes in the tupperware made me swoon. But so did my seagoing stomach. When Joasias came by and asked what I wanted, I told him how sweaty I was and how I would like water, more water, and maybe one of the little roskas with lime. He complied in a Bahian jiffy, and there sat the roska, begging me to drink it. I took a couple of sips and decided that the water would go down better.

And then came the chicken hearts. My guess at translation would be coração da frango. Whoa! When I ate one, I knew they were delicious. And they were. But my stomach said, "Ben, what in the HELL do you think you're doing? Drink water and take pictures." Which I did. I ate a few pieces of the various barbecue, and it was all superb. But I could only take a few bites at a time, and then had to go for copious amounts of water to float it away.

Third day in Salvador--part 3

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By this time, the churrasco was in full swing, and Joasias and Sr. Itamar had begun to buzz through the crowd with skewers of different meats: the chicken hearts, smoked sausage, pork, beef, and a bunch of other meat that I largely ignored, much to my dismay. The smoked sausage is a sure winner with Ben, and a crowd pleaser for my insides as well, but this time it got a chilly reception from my innards that also surprised and disconcerted me to no end.

I began to circulate and take more pictures, discovering more about the guests. I say that, but it's actually a recap from Carol. Some I already knew, but some is new to me. I was in a fog, remember? Margarita Andrade is an old pal of Carol's from way back. She is dry, wry, and has a great laugh. Kind of like a toned down female Lewis Black. She cracked me up.

Janet Fisher is a tall blonde that appears to be built on a hovercraft chassis. It may have been the long colorful sundress, but it appeared that she was gliding wherever she went. Janet is originally from Lynchburg, Virginia, and wears her provenance beautifully. This further impressed on me the similarities between Bahia and the Southern U.S. She seemed as at home in Salvador as she would have on a horse farm in Lynchburg. She's studying international relations at Nelson's university.
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Thumbnail image for marylouises.jpgWhen I first met Milene Peral, she reminded me of Mary Louise Parker, who is cute as hell. Well, when you do the actual comparison, it may not be as amazing as I thought at the time, but judge for yourself. Look at Milene by herself and you can just imagine that they were indeed separated at birth. Whereas Mary Louise became a famous star, loved by millions, Milene, meanwhile, is loved by Salvadorans for her homeopathic M.D. work, and loved by the Salvadoran girls for being the mother of Pedro. Pedro and Carol's kids have known each other since Carol met Pedro's uncle at a McDonald's, peeled him a jackfruit, and became pals with his sister-in-law. FAR BETTER than being a movie and TV star, though beloved, that has to worry about whether she's dropped off the flavor of the month list yet. Milene is on the permanent list.

pedro_pattrici.jpg Riviane Nytun is the only other guest you haven't met. She's a dentist in Bahia married to an engineer from Norway who's working at a petroleum camp in Nigeria that he spells "Miseria" and pronounces "My-zeer-e-a". They met at Carnaval around 20 years ago and have lived all over the world, the last place being Nigeria. Riviane and the kids moved back to Salvador several years ago after Nigeria became unsuitable. Her husband comes home about every 12 weeks. Their son Christian, who eluded my camera, is an old pal of Daniel and Patricia's.

Thumbnail image for groupwriviane.jpgAll the ladies were to join us at Carnaval that afternoon, beginning with Dave's march with Chiclete com Banana.

Second night of Carnaval in Salvador--part 1

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Whee doggie! Carnaval! The thing we came for! And I was feeling human again!

Yep. In retrospect,
• I'm sure that my sensitive stomach cells were shocked by the brash Bacardi Gold molecules, when it's used to the smooth liquor stylings of the Meyers's Rum.
• Being up late the night before with aforementioned Bacardi Gold, intense heat, sweating out the ass, and lingering water damage in my system all contributed to my feeling like an old jackfruit that had fallen off the tree before summer, exploded, then gradually rotted during the oncoming summer and was eventually consumed by huge ants. I didn't make this up. We saw it in Rio, and it was so very cool to see, because by then I felt better.

covernationguys.jpg But let's not forget what really made me ready to live. The wonders of Brazilian TV with Daniel, Patricia and Robo were enough to make anybody feel better.

YEAH!! It was that MTV Brazil show I saw the day before, Covernation! And look, I found the link for you to enjoy it and the twin hosts and EVERYTHING about it! No wonder I was ready for Carnaval. And notice, also how closely the video matches my description from an earlier post. I was so accurate! More brain cells are there than anyone would believe.

And then came the next Brazilian TV mind-blower: on an episode of South Park, which was in English with Brazilian subtitles, every time Cartman would utter "crap, shit, sonofabitch, Jesus Christ" or any of his other oaths, the subtitle would read "Caramba!" THIS from the network that allows the casual muthafucka to pepper other programs. I can see them censoring the "Jesus Christ" with the large Catholic population, but the other words? CUR-I-OUS-ER and CUR-I-OUS-ER!

We packed up swiftly and surely for the trip to "the Flats". I was clearheaded enough to know that there was no fear for my camera, and no doubt that I was going to sweat like a madman. Again, Carol piloted the SUV, with Nelson up front handling the paperwork for when we got to the militia who wanted to bar us from plowing through half of Salvador in a big, imported car. Those magic documents!

One day later, would the people be more rabid? Hell NO! They were just as fluid as they were the day before. It was great watching the whole thing while packed into a glass observation capsule piloted by Carol with the skill of Captain Nemo gliding through a coral reef. Before we knew it we were at the Bahia Flats garage.

In America, we would have sat outside waiting for the "attendant" to open the gate, while he kept us waiting eating a sandwich and talking on his cell phone. Here, we had the smiling Bahia Flats crew sporting suits, ties and thumbs, whisking the gate up before we were even down the ramp good, meanwhile keeping the unauthorized personnel at bay. Un-freeking-be-LIEV-able! I loved those guys! Everybody did!

The elevator remained in the good hands of the Bahia Flats residents and guests. NOBODY overloaded it EVER, anytime I saw. And I'll bet nobody would let it happen even if somebody wanted to squeeze in. Amazing sense of self control and self responsibility. Up to the condo to put stuff away, liquor up and head down to the plaza, which by now was as comfortable as my own backyard.

carnavalusgroup1.jpgwaitingforchiclete.jpgWe were there just in time to see David come by with Chiclete com Banana, featuring Bell Marques. He was so cool and fun and ready to have everybody party. Dressed all in white with a red and white bandanna, which I believe is his uniform, he casually but firmly whipped a late afternoon crowd into the proper froth for a great evening. Little wonder. Bell Marques was voted best male performer for Carnaval 2008.

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Second night of Carnaval in Salvador--part 2

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It's time to learn about the inner workings of Carnaval!

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wallguy.jpgThere's a lot more to this than meets the eye. First of all, there are the trios elétricos. The first official t e took place in 1950, when three Bahian guys figured out how to wire a guitar to a car battery, and took off down Rua Chile on Carnaval Day, playing music from the moving car, a 1929 Model A Ford, known as the fobica. The novelty of the whole thing brought the people out in droves, who followed the car, singing and dancing.

Up until the 70s, the trios were more like parade floats, and the music was instrumental. Until everybody heard Caetano Veloso sing, "The only ones not dancing behind the trio elétrico are those who are already dead," and the moving Brazilian party band was born.

Bell Marques' group further refined the sound quality in the 80s, when the trios elétricos were turned into giant creeping boom boxes with the talent on top. By now, they are state of the art wonders, with full recording capability inside, huge dressing rooms that are for the stars, and a sound that would make both Mozart and Joey Ramone cry. In heaven. Together. They're probably friends. That Mozart was irascible.

Thumbnail image for ChicleteTop.jpgSo now you see that people also ride on top of the trios elétricos, too. Obviously people with a lot of cash, because David paid a good bit for his ticket to be in the street. Although many would prefer to be in the street, I think I might like this kind of participation. In addition to the big music truck, there's another truck the same size that follows behind the music. In that behemoth, there are restrooms, concessions, first aid, and a place to sit down if you're too tired to make the 6 to 8 hour parade route on your feet.

You can see that everybody on top of the trio are wearing the same t-shirt. That identifies them as eligible 2008 members of Nana Banana, which is the name of Bell Marques' bloco, like Os Mascarados was Margareth Menezes' bloco name.

Notice the rabid motion of the people behind the trio. There are of course two schools of thought on whether it's better to be in front of the music or behind it. The main advantage to being behind it is that the concession/bathroom truck is following closely on your heels.

chicletefollowers.jpgHere's David Breedlove with his matching Nana Banana t-shirt and stylish do-rag. He's in the Nana Banana bloco, dancing, marching, and jumping up and down for as many blocks as he can handle. I never did find out how long he went, but Carol will tell me. Mrs. Breedlove, meanwhile, was on the patio of the Bahia Flats with us, and left right after David went by. She gets plenty of Carnaval in about an hour. Kind of like a very light skinned person gets red at the beach quickly. About that fast.

DaveinChiclete.jpg"Bloco, schmoco!" you are shouting at your screen. "Tell me more, Ben!"

The bloco is the name of the thing and the concept: several hundred workers carry a rope that encircles not only the two giant party trucks, but those crazies parading in front, in between, and behind the trucks, too. They all have gloves to hold the ropes, and Carol tells us that people line up for the job. They so much want to be part of the party, whether they're working or not. And each rope holder gets a t-shirt that identifies them as part of that particular bloco. During the 6 to 8 hour parade, they wear out several pairs of gloves from constant friction on the moving ropes. What would happen in America if we tried to get people to perform this service?

TimbaladaSecurity.jpgHere are the rope and security folks for Timbalada, who was the group and bloco (same name) after Nana Banana. I guess the concept is, if you can get past the rope and rope handlers, the guys in the orange shirts would deal with you. If they didn't, the military police was marching up and down the parade route, and was very conspicuous. They weren't assholes by any means, and only stepped in when needed. They also seemed to be enjoying the festivities as much as anyone on duty could, while still maintaining an iron exterior. Tough but firm. Kind of like a nice chocolate candy with a cream center from a Whitman's Sampler. What do I know? They probably would have snapped my neck if I had gotten out of line. Creamy center indeed!

The whole concept of the rope and cost to parade in a bloco is a heated controversy in Salvador. There are those who claim it is elitist, and there are those that scoff at the notion. I tend to side with the scoffers. In addition to the fact that the music and festivities are free to everyone, there are trios that have no ropes, and allow anyone to parade with them. Elitist indeed! When there are no ropes and no bloco, the people that march around the trio are called pipoca, meaning "popcorn", because they are inevitably going to be jumping up and down during the parade.

The trios were all heavily corporate sponsored, as attests the side of Timbalada's truck, in addition to the butt-load of balloons with logos on them that preceded and followed each group.

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Enjoy this slideshow of Carnaval if you want to!



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Second night of Carnaval in Salvador--part 3

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Some of the fascinating faces in the Carnaval crowd

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It was becoming pretty heated by the time Timbalada came by. Another one of the Carnaval staples, this group is so much ingrained in the festival that their bloco name is eponymous. Carol had mentioned before we came that if we were going to march in a real bloco, that they were going to pick Timbalada.

This group was hot, hot, hot! Totally percussion heavy, with about 60,000 percussionists on top of the trio, and  participants sporting Afrobrazilian designs in face and body paint. In the next picture, you can see what the end of the bloco rope is like. The guys at the ends had the hardest jobs by far, since they were the keepers of the slack. Woo! I thought I was suado at the time. I'd hate to see my little rubber band arms try to perform that job.

TimbaladaRopeEnd.jpgThe next group to come by was Cocobambu, the bloco that Daniel, Patricia, Pedro Peral, and Christian Nytun were in. Carol provided this picture of them in their shirts (surely made of that quick-dry fabric that is so popular in Brazil. Just looking at them makes my nipples itchy.)

BeninCocbambu.jpgNotice that they're standing in the entrance to the underground garage at Bahia Flats. I'm sure they went down the elevator, flashed the sign to the jovial guards, and were released into the crowd with the same amount of love that a mother would give her first-day kindergartner.

Cocobambugroup.jpgThe group commandeering the Cocobambu trio was Banda Eva, who was as unfamiliar to me as most of the groups were at the time. I knew Gilberto Gil, Jorge Ben, Carlinhos Brown, and Caetano Veloso from my library. But out of the whole Carnaval roster, I didn't have a clue about 95% of the entertainers.

Not anymore. Not after the massive amount of Carnaval music I've listened to since returning home. It's like a happy pill for humanity, and my treatise will come later. But this is how I know what I know now. Post-trip study--the best kind.

Banda Eva is the group that spawned Ivete Sangalo, who was to come by later. Carol had again mentioned that we were going to see some really famous acts. Once again I nodded, knowing they'd be great, but not having any idea HOW great, or HOW famous.

This next picture shows the end of Timbalada and the beginning of Cocobambu. The cool thing about being in a bloco is that you can hop into the parade any time you feel like it. All you need is a cross-street to do it in. Otherwise, you'd never make it in from the sidewalk.

cocobambubegin.jpgcocobambuRUN.jpgThe picture above shows Cocobambu on the run. When that giant trio behind a crowd of several thousand starts to move, the crowd starts to move, too. At least they'd BETTER move. And when it happens, it's quite a sight. The crush of people all holding beer, or their other favorite beverage, are propelled forward at a remarkable speed, and their beverage of choice ultimately shoots into the air. When seen from the terrace, it looks like just a bunch of shenanigans. When seen from inside the crowd as we did later, you find out that it happens because of all the sudden movement. It's like the popping of a big party pimple.

Below are Daniel, Patricia, and Christian in the bloco. No telling where Pedro is. I don't know who the guy is in front of Christian, but when I first put the identifying rings on the picture, they crossed in front of his face. I figured he's a friend of P, D and C's, so I took the rings off. It'll be, like, really ironic if he's frienemies with P,D and C.

P,D,Cinbloco.jpgHere's Banda Eva and their trio. The lead singer, Saulo, was excellent, as was the entire group. Another thing I liked about them was, it reminded me of playing in Chevy 6 for some reason. Saulo with his capri pants and t-shirt, and the whole band gave off the same vibe. They were like a great party band for a gigantic party.

Their bloco was comprised of a much younger constituency than most of the others, and I figured that Banda Eva was one of the reasons. The tickets were cheaper than some of the other blocos, too. Better for a younger budget? Regardless, this is still an interesting, rare case where the centerpiece of the band (Ivete Sangalo) launches a massive solo career, but the spawning group (Banda Eva) remains as popular as ever. In addition, it doesn't appear that there is anything but love between former front woman and band.

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Oh the zany shenanigans! Look in the picture above, right under sponsor logo LG, and see the two people that spotted me and signaled to the camera! I love it when that happens. I mean, these people were having a blast, and once again, NO VOMIT! In the next trio of pictures, you'll see some clever gang-dancing girls. Notice the rope and security people watching them. How the hell they could do this kind of thing for 6 to 8, even 10 hours, was beyond me, but Patricia had told us how everybody starts really hitting the gym about 6 months before Carnaval because: (a) they wanted to look hot; and (b) they wanted to be able to do the whole parade route. It was obviously a thing with a lot of people to do so. Daniel and Patricia did, I know.

crazyantics.jpgThe fever was in the air all right. After the spawn had passed by, we went upstairs to liquor up again, enjoying the interactions with folks in the lobby and elevator. It was universal alegria, that's all I can say. We sat in the condo for a while to cool off, listened to the entertainment from our balcony, then boa-noite'd our way back down to the terrace. I was ready to sit down still, and so was Jean. I was sweating my ass off, of course, but was bubbling over with the music.

Suddenly, a young Brazilian woman walked by, grabbed my hand and pulled me up to dance. I don't know if she thought I was gonna flake out and sit down, but I didn't. The music was killing me, so I danced with her for a pretty long time. Long enough for her to figure I was either hip or on crystal meth, because she stopped dancing first, patted me on the shoulder and disappeared as fast as she came in. I'll bet she thought she was gonna play a big gag on the big fat tourist, and ended up having to dance with him! HAR! I wonder if she looked at my teeth and figured I was NOT a meth user.

BenasMethaddict.jpgRobo, meanwhile, had recorded the event on his new video camera, and if I figure out the technology, I'll post his video. I have no shame. Fat people are very fluid. It's kind of fun to watch. Like a lava lamp.

shimmydance.jpgAfter the girl zoomed off, we sat on the bench long enough for me to recover from temporary heatstroke after shimmying my gigantic self crazy with the coffee-and-cream-colored lady. Oh yeah, it's a beautiful thing to watch. Shudder.  We headed back to the front of the terrace to watch more of the crowd. There was no bad place to be anywhere in Salvador as far as hearing the music, but seeing the unbridled human behavior is always a great video to go with a fantastic soundtrack.

It seems there was a slight altercation in the bloco. Some interloper tried to enter without the proper quick-dry identification. The second layer of security had quashed his attempt pretty quickly, but the military police were Joãos and Joanitas on the spot, and they carted the hooligan off promptly.

militarypolice.jpgLook at this blast of color at the end of Cocobambu's bloco! I'm sure the t-shirts are heavily coveted by the Salvadorans, and are surely some sort of status symbol to have. There are probably those who have shirts from all the recent Carnavals. Just another argument in favor of the democratic notion of Salvador Carnaval. The workers may be working, but they are a vital part, and I think they realize this and feel that way themselves. The only way to totally take the elitism out of it would be to banish the blocos, or either subsidize every single Salvadoran to join one, even if it were at the city's expense. That's the crazy kind of thing we'd do in America.

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Second night of Carnaval in Salvador--part 4

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After Cocobambu had completed their pass, we began to mill around the terrace, take the trip upstairs, watch people sing along to the music, watch everybody dance, and absorb a blanket of smiles. Our time in the street was coming in an hour or so, and we had to be ready, steady, and full of stamina.

I never left my camera down on the terrace, and kept it with me at all times, even though it was in relaxed Duffel position 2. So when I wasn't taking pictures, I took it up to the condo. Therefore, I made a ton of trips back and forth, and each time in the company of genial revelers.  Carol had reminded me that blahblahblah, the really famous singer, was coming next. I went to get my camera and got back to the terrace in time to see the beginning of Ivete Sangalo's bloco, Cerveja & Cia.

This thing was heavily sponsored, as were the others, but even more so. Vivo, a telephone network in Brazil, was a big hitter, and they even began the parade with a Vivo mascot balloon. The Vivo mascot looks just like a Gummy person, and was not only omnipresent around Salvador, but had a way of growing on you.

VIVoMascot.gifThere were even 4 colorful-wigged Vivo guys leading the bloco.

VivoDancers.gifThe picture taking was totally different since I had the camera down less than an hour earlier. The night was beautiful, and the colors seemed even more intense under the streetlights. I began to hear the singing from the trio, still down the street. I thought it was supposed to be a woman!

When the trio came into view, I realized that it was, indeed, a woman. And WHAT a woman! A contralto-belting Brazilian beauty with long black hair and Herculean thighs was energetically holding court on top of the truck. EGADS!  THIS was Ivete Sangalo. Carol said she was probably the biggest female singing star in Brazil.

She was not only incredible looking, her resemblance to Charisma Carpenter was striking! Oh, here you go with the "Ben, you idiot, you think everybody looks like somebody else. Show me, for Pete's sake!"  Yeah. Doubt me THIS TIME!

Ivete&Charisma.jpgRowrrrrr! (Roy Orbison growl). Ivete is quite the dish, eh? The people on top of her trio were probably the cream of the cream of Salvadoran humanity.

Ivete&Fan.jpg Ivete&TrioTop.jpgIvete not only sang like a bird, she danced like a sexy crazy person. Carol said she was approaching 40, and had been doing this for years. I'm sure at that point she said something about her coming out of Banda Eva, the group that Patricia and Daniel had paraded with. I just couldn't take it all in. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Obviously Ivete was the pro-est of pros. Her stage presence was such that you wanted to not only go home with her, but go to a party with her as well. And have her sing to you the whole time. Ivete is also the one act that I saw that completely worked both sides of the trio. There would be long periods when she would be playing to the people that lined the water--the ones in the free seats. None of the other acts were quite so democratic with their performances. Most bands were set up facing us. Well, duh! Of course they would. All along the parade route on our side were viewing stations, a relatively new thing to Carnaval. Many of the stars had their own viewing places, and for a pricey admission, you could see it all in the comfort of their station, mingle with the star (possibly), and have an indoor bathroom. There was no word about whether you could flush toilet paper or not.

Ivete&Stalkers.jpgDuring Ivete's performance, I heard three songs that I later was able to identify by CDs I bought: "Abalou," obviously a huge hit, which I think from my limited Portuguese, is a song about a girl's world being rocked by a guy, either in a good way or a bad way, I'm not sure. "Abalou" translates to "it rocked". Another one of her hits that I heard was "Não me conte seus problemas," which I think translates to roughly: "don't tell me your problems," like she was telling a cheating lover to not bother her with whether or not he had enough quick-dry fabrics for the week, after the way he treated her. Since listening to the stuff I bought, I've begun to hear tons of stuff that is native to not only Carnaval, but Brazilan culture in general.

The entertainers all had one thing in common: they would yell to the crowd in the middle of songs, in the most rhythmic way, all kinds of exhortatiions to put their hands up (levante suas mãos!) and jump up an down (sai do chão!). I may have spelled the "sai" word wrong, but Carol will correct me. Anyway, sai do chão was our favorite by a landslide. It literally translates "leave the ground," and is pronounced kinda like "sigh doo shaon," with the "aon" sound one of the most prevalent and hardest to duplicate in the Portuguese language. You have to kind of swallow the "n", and you barely say it at all. Could that be because the "enyay" symbol (~) is over the "a" instead of the "n" like in Spanish? Oh hell, who knows? You're probably irritated with my armchair Portuguese. I hope the Brazilians weren't.

I DO know that we were hollering sai do chão! all night, and all throughout the trip. It was a miracle that any of my traveling companions could get it right. Pettus in particular, had to ask me "What is it again?" "Sai do chão," I'd tell her. Listening to her and Jean try to pronounce it was a real trip.

The cool thing about Brazilian music is the prevalent repeating of their favorite themes, and "sai do chão" is one of them. I'll tell you more later! Meanwhile, marvel at the near-40-year-old thighs of Ms. Ivete Sangalo, beloved by all Brazilians, and one Birminghamian in particular.
Smart woman, she. Carol told me that she had wisely gone into production and breaking new bands herself. Pretty, smart, talented. And Brazilian. I wish I knew what she was saying.

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Second night of Carnaval in Salvador--part 5

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Cut loose in the melee!

Our time was fast approaching to be out there in the fray with thousands of happy, sweaty people. Though you could never tell they were sweating unless you looked at their glistening faces, because that quick-dry fabric is amazing.

Toward the end of Ivete's reign in front of Bahia Flats, I know I heard her do "Não Quero Dinheiro, Só Quero Amar," (I think it roughly translates to "I don't want money, I just want love"), either one of her greatest hits, or a massive Carnaval favorite, because she's not the only one who did it. Anyway, it was one of the first Carnaval anthems that I immediately recognized from the night before. Just one of many to come.

After Ivete Sangalo disappeared down the street, having dazzled the crowd with her quivering flesh and trebuchet-style delivery, everybody was worn out. Little wonder she was voted best female vocalist for 2008 Carnaval.

I thought it was time to go up and take my camera. Believe it or not, it gets heavy and muscle-taxing when you clutch a big camera to your chest (Chest position 1) with one arm for a length of time.

So while we're going upstairs to the condo, won't you join us? Only please step into a time capsule and go back a couple of hours, because you'll see Patricia getting nursed for a blister by Jean Burford, RNaL. (Registered Nurse at Large). And we all know that Patricia is far, far, away down the parade route by now, not up here.

NurseJean.jpgLook at Robo laughing at the whole matter. Jean, of course, had her ubiquitious Ziploc® bag full of various medicines, remedies, poultices, bandages, splints, and the like for any occasion. I'm sure since we were going to Carnaval, she probably pared the inventory of her emergency kit down to 50 items or so. If we were at the beach, however, there would be three gigantic attic-storage-size Ziplocs containing approximately 300 items of modern healing, repair, and a potpourri of other things you wouldn't expect. Like blunt-edged kindergarten scissors. They'll let those on a plane. Jean found that out. I think she used to have a couple of fire extinguishers in her big emergency pack, but they went off and ruined all the over-the-counter antibiotics from Mexico.

Let's head back down for VoaDois, who is doing TWO Carnaval routes, with two different bloco names: The one from the previous night was Universitario. Tonight's bloco was called Pra Ficar/Fissura. Now, does this mean that two groups both hired VoaDois to do their parade? And I see also that Universitario had a parade both nights. The second night they had Motumbá, another heavy-hitter, on the trio. What gives? Someone explain! Anyone?      Anyone?      Bueller?

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Regarding this question, a Carnival bastion--Ricardo Chaves--gave an interview lamenting this changing, transitory, cash-n-carry nature that has evolved. It used to be that a bloco had one and only one band, and a loyal following. The bloco would hold events throughout the year. Groups of friends would go out with the same bloco year after year. Relationships blossomed over 5 days of Carnival. Now there is a Central do Carnaval http://home.centraldocarnaval.com.br/index.asp where you can do your own mix and match. Buy as much or little as you want. No commitments.
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At any rate, their [VoaDois] popularity should explain why they were voted Best New Act at Carnaval 2008. I wonder if they did the same songs both times? I'll bet they just flipped the set list upside down and did it that way.

Well, anyway, we watched them come to the center of the Flats, then headed up for liquor before the next group came by, who Carol was also touting as having a huge rising star as a singer. While we go up, please enjoy the graphic for VoaDois' web page under construction. I don't know if it's still under construction, this was just a good image from Google.

bg_site.jpgBelieve it or not, we were almost out of Bacardi Gold, and Pettus wanted some vodka, so Robo, Pettus and I decided to venture out into the mass of Brazilians and their guests. It was so easy. Down the elevator packed with precisely the right amount of people, a good brushing off, delousing, and smiling up and down from the downstairs gate guys, and we were free! It was like being some sort of celebrity.

Out we went into the humanity that heretofore we had only seen through the windows of Carol's expensive imported SUV. Wow! I was totally liquor-friendly by this time, throwing my incredible Portuguese around like confetti, talking to anyone and everyone. I felt completely safe and free. Robo and Pettus must have thought otherwise, because they had to rein me in a couple of times. Actually, this "reining in" consisted of them trying to explain in broken English that they were in charge of a lunatic.

We wandered around until we came to the first rolled up door with a cage behind it that had liquor for sale. Why did we even THINK there'd be anything resembling Meyers's? Hell NO. There was only more Bacardi Gold, and at a premium price that was tantamount to buying it in America at a discount place. Still cheap, but you get what you pay for.

And let me wax philosophical for just a second. I feel like a complete turd for dogging Bacardi Gold so badly. I used to LOVE me some Bacardi back in the day. So I've contributed a great deal of cash to the company's bottom line, and do not feel the least bit guilty for the gentle bashing. But also notice that we continued to drink the stuff throughout our stay in Salvador, and, unfortunately into Rio.

claudia.jpgWe headed back to the underground let-in place, were immediately whisked in and given makeovers and thumbs ups by the guards. So back up to the condo to liquor up for the next act, which was Babado Novo, with their bloco Eu Vou. I also didn't know at the time that this woman was as hugely popular as she was. Claudia Leitte, the front lady, was spectacular. And if I'm not hallucinating again from things I know now but didn't know then, I could swear that they played one of my now favorite songs, "A Camisa E O Botão." It translates, "a shirt and a button"--as in, "we go together like a shirt and a button."

Why, oh WHY am I such a weakling that I can't carry that camera at all times? There it sits upstairs while Claudia is prancing and belting catchy tunes wearing a frothy dress that matched her frothy blonde hair. She even had a guy whose only job was to wipe her sweaty legs and change her shoes. I am NOT SHITTING! Here's her picture, and I'm ashamed to say it's not one I took. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

I got this picture from a Brazilian online news article about a "supposed" bitchfest between Claudia and Ivete Sangalo! I was able to read enough of the Portuguese to translate Ivete's remark about Claudia's rising popularity: "We love each other. There is plenty of room in the hearts of Brazil for two stars. . ."  Hooo YEAH!!! Rowrrrrrrr!!!!

Just like in America, only HOTTER!

Second night of Carnaval in Salvador--part 6

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It's Pipoca Time!

The time was nigh! We were ready to go out into the throng and position ourselves in front of Trio Expresso 2222 for our march with two of my Brazilian music heroes: Gilberto Gil and Jorge Ben (who now goes by Jorge Benjor--Carol tells me it's because people kept confusing him with George Benson--I just know it's cool because it's kind of like "Benje"). This was not a bloco, since it was free to everyone who felt like parading. Where's your elitism NOW, Moses! I'm sorry. I can't help but think of Edward G. Robinson in The Ten Commandments anytime I ask that question.

Gilberto Gil is an elder statesman of Carnaval in Salvador. A Bahian himself, he was one of Brazil's most innovative and influential artists beginning in the late 60s. He was an important element of the Tropicália movement, Brazil's counterpart to America's cultural explosion brought on by the hippies. Though Tropicália included dance, theatre, visual arts and poetry, it is associated almost exclusively with the music: a melange of bossa nova, rock and roll, Bahian folk music, African music and Portuguese fado.

The crazy part of it is, the American youth were looking for a life of peace, music and freedom, and expressing it one way through their music. The Brazilians already had the life of peace, music and freedom, they just took it one step further with Tropicália. There's a hint of social consciousness in some of the lyrics, but they're still mainly about living the gorgeous life that they live every day in Brazil.

Here was the plan for joining the pipoca: we would exit the Flats through the secret underground chamber, walk one block, turn right, walk one block, turn right, and enter the parade at the cross street. It takes so little time to type it, but it takes forever to walk it. Especially through the throng, that was a cohesive mass of movement on its own. We held onto each other like children on a field trip, and gently barreled our way to our destination. Cameras were strictly verboten, and this is one time I would still comply, even today. Jean had a disposable camera, and did her best with that.

Once we entered the throng, with not too much difficulty, I could see just exactly how huge one of those trios is. Looking behind us, I felt a little like Jonah fixing to be swallowed by Gilberto Gil and his cohorts. We milled around a few minutes, waiting for the thing to begin. Meanwhile, Jean snapped a picture of us: Riviane, me, Carol, Nelson, Pettus, Robo and Janet.

groupinpipoca.jpgSuddenly, a Bahian gentleman came up and advised us in incredible English: "You shouldn't have that camera here! It could get stolen." Jean explained to him that it didn't matter. Suddenly, we were all friends. She showed him the camera, he took it, and snapped his own picture. Then I took his picture with Jean.

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Our new friend was great. He danced along with us once we started, which was, like, instantly. We heard one of our group holler "We're moving!", and they weren't shitttin'! We were moving, allright. Fast. This was when we discovered why we always saw explosions of beer from the parades. All of us sacrificed beverage to the gods of Carnaval once that bastard started moving. We were crushed together, and several of the girls were lifted off the ground. All of us manly men immediately corraled them, and we were able to begin the 6-block-long dance with Trio Expresso 2222. One of the first songs they played was "Umbabarauma" by Jorge Ben, which has been a favorite of mine for years. It was like a total out-of-body experience. Literally. Everything was being squeezed out of EVERYBODY'S bodies!

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I heard five songs that I knew while we were dancing our asses off down the streets of Salvador with the sea rushing to meet us as if it were in time to the music. It was something you can never describe. And I can't stress how fantastic the sound was. Not a blaring speaker, not a blown speaker, nothing overdriven, nothing but the stereo of your life barreling down on you at 1 mile an hour! Okay, laugh, but with people barreling in front of it, it's not so namby-pamby. It's like a music-lover's running with the bulls in Pamplona.

Was I suado? You bet your booties I was. Carol thoughtfully bought me a sweat rag from a vendor that sold nothing but sweat rags! It was like a little hand towel, dark blue, and though it was like wiping up the Atlantic Ocean with one sheet of Bounty, it was just what I needed as the perfect souvenir to take home from Salvador. It's really crazy the way the vendors coursed through the crowd, many with coolers on their heads, never spilling a drop of ice.

redheadinpipoca.jpgThere was one time during our journey when our new friend alerted us to a group of youth that were roaming quickly through the crowd, pushing against people. He said they were pickpockets, and to be careful. I had nothing on me except sweat and a half can of Skol beer that I had bought from a nice vendor, all the while grooving to the Carnaval sounds of Gilberto Gil, Jorge Benjor and Lulu Santos. I still can't believe I did it, but I know I'll be back to do it again. And it'll be like being able to relive your childhood and know stuff then that you know now. WHOA!

Believe it or not, we were all ready to cut out at the next intersection, which makes 6 or so blocks that we traveled with the pipoca. Not bad, really. It was extra fortunate that we exited on one of Carnaval's true classics: "Pais Tropical," by Jorge Ben. The crowd went totally apeshit, and the feeling leached into all of us. We were exhilarated as we forged our way back to Bahia Flats. Gol-durn! It was a long way! It didn't seem so long when you were dancing your way down. I guess it's kind of like sledding down a big hill and then having to trudge back up.

I'm sure the youngsters would scoff at us, but they would have no idea of Ben Burford's rate of water shed. By the time we got back to the condo, I was a wrung out piece of flesh.  This was when I got to fulfill another one of my promises to everyone here in Birmingham: "I can't wait to go to Brazil and take my shirt off." Okay, I didn't take it off in the street, but I sure as hell did in the condo, just to keep from passing out. I was beginning to get the jackfruit feeling again.

shirtlessben.jpgJanet and Riviane were there somewhere, too. I had no shame, I just wanted to get cool. The fan started making a squealing noise so they shut it off, which sent me into the bedroom portion to lay on the bed for a few minutes under its fan. I then decided to go take a cold shower in the new granite bathroom. It was just the ticket. By the time we left, I was feeling pretty okay.

Carol piloted us out of there with her trademark skill and aplomb, and before we all knew it, we were meeting a rising gate and a vertical thumb outside the house. I don't know if we sat up or not. I just know that the next day was also full of festivities, and I needed my rack.
 

Fourth Day in Salvador, part 1--Festival of Iemanjá

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In which Robo angers the goddess of the sea and Ben pays for it

2008 is a very unusual year in that Carnaval was not only two weeks earlier than usual, but in that the Festival of Iemanjá also fell coincident to Carnaval, which NEVER happens. I know that Carnaval dates are hooked to Ash Wednesday and Easter, and that this year it happened freakishly early. Why? Something about the solstice, I think. What's going on here?

The Festival of Iemanjá (Ee-ah-mahn-JAH) is always held on February 2, which is also the Day of Our Lady of Candeias, a holy day associated with Oxum, the jealous queen of sweet water. Here's the great part. You'd think a festival like the one for Iemanjá has been going on since Brazil first rose from the ocean and cooled into a continent. Not so.

According to Bahian history, the festival began in 1923. The fishery was in ruins, and the men of the fishermen's association (!) decided to please the vain Mother of the Waters with gifts. Since they needed a day to do it on, and since the day of Our Lady of Conception had passed (in December), they used the next best thing: the day of Our Lady of Candeias, February 2. They decided they'd deal with Oxum first since it was officially "her" day, and they were bringing in this vain upstart of a goddess to possibly steal her thunder.

Now what about this Oxum? She's the "jealous queen of sweet waters." What does SHE think about Iemanjá and her mirror? I don't know. I'm sure it's not good. I DO know that before anybody gives Iemanjá ANYTHING, they go out at dawn and regale Oxum with music and gifts first.

It's a little complicated. Iemanjá (a.k.a. Dandalunda, Yemanjá, and host of other aliases) is a Yoruba goddess, the daughter of Obatalá and Oduduá, the creators of the world. She wears light blue and silver, the colors of the Bay of All Saints. Her face is like the reflection of water, and she carries a mirror that she uses to gaze upon her reflection frequently. Iemanjá is Yoruban. I don't know what Oxum is, but I'm sure she and Iemanjá behave like soap opera villainesses at a party whenever they happen to bump into each other under the sea. Rowrr!

Vain goddess? Check. Jealous original goddess? Check. Party time? Check.

It's a big day for the Rio Vermelho neighborhood. Over 300,000 people bring offerings to the goddess--mainly flowers in baskets, but also mirrors, jewelry, letters, food and other precious items. After all the gifts are collected, the fishermen (in over 400 boats) take them out to sea and reverently lower them into the water for Iemanjá while they drum, sing, chant, and generally insure good luck in their fishing efforts. Fortunately for the environment, the people only give biodegradable presents, or those that the goddess can really use.

Combine this faithful throng with the Carnaval humanity swelling in the streets, and you've got another scorching mass of flesh packed together like potted meat.

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Armed with none of this knowledge beforehand, Jean and I slept like rocks after the previous night at Carnaval. All we knew was that the next day we were gonna wear white (or as close to it as we could), and go down the hill and placate this vain goddess. Oh, don't think the Bahians are only thinking about the goddess. Oh no. They are using this as another excuse for alegría. Who blames them?

That gol-durned Blackberry alarm obnoxiously announced itself all too early. By the time Jean and I made it in to the breakfast room, Carol and Pettus were dressed in white, like a couple of virgin schoolgirls. Robo was actually wearing cotton, and not quick-dry. Jean had originally planned to wear a demure jacket over a tank top, but decided that nobody at the festival would remember her in just a sleeveless shirt. After stepping out of the air conditioned bedroom, I was wearing my 50/50 shirt: 50% cotton, 50% water.

Carol had already begun to prepare her basket. It was decorated with official blue Iemanjá ribbons (Licensed? Surely not. Maybe I ought to have a talk with the Fishermen's Association about that.). We were going to walk down the hill to the festival and buy flowers there. She assured us that there would be plenty.

She wasn't kidding.

Right after leaving the little world inside the gate and getting our final thumbs up for the morning, we took it down the winding hill to the village. On the way we encountered a gentleman peeing on a colonial-era stone wall, a park full of partiers dancing to music pumped out of distorting speakers in the hatchback of a car, numerous food stands, and flower vendors enough to choke Holland.

The delightful odor of urine wove a rich tapestry of olfactory delights when combined with the venerable cooking grease, car fumes, sea air, fish, and homo sapiens sapiens. Truly, though, the Bahians were a non-smelly bunch of folks. I think they bathe two or three times a day during Summer for all the right reasons. Not to be a dickhead, but they smelled okay! Even in huge crowds! I don't know if that would be true in the U.S.

I had wised up to the camera situation by now, and had it with me! I was just judicious about when I took it out. Not around the distorted speakers and peeing guy, but once in town, OKAY!

flowerselection.jpgmegachurch.jpgWe first selected the flowers for Carol's basket (as shown above). I loved the irony of the Christian t-shirt on the young man selling flowers for a pagan celebration, and giving the money to his church. God works in mysterious ways.

Carol did tell us that there was a contingent of fundamentalists that had begun to decry the festivities in recent years. I guess that's one thing we haven't got a lock on in America: religious superiority and intolerance. I say, let the Yorubas have their Candomblé. Love it all. It translates into many tongues.

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This needs a little clearing up. When I moved here in 1986, the Catholic Church was fairly tolerant of syncretism. When Cardinal Neves was named Primate Archbishop in the late 80s, after having served a number of years in the Vatican, he began to call for a sharper line between Catholicism and Candomblé. To the outrage of many, he would not allow Bonfim Church to be opened during the Bonfim festival, which he said was a pagan celebration.

Several years ago an even more conservative Archbishop was named, Cardinal Majella, who reprimanded a priest who baptized Caetano Veloso's youngest son and invoked the name of an orixa.

However, it is the fundamental Protestant sects that have a vendetta against Candomblé, calling it devil worship. The "Temple of Faith" in your photo is the Igreja Universal Reino de Deus and is growing by leaps and bounds in Brazil and abroad. Its founder Edir Macedo wrote a book slamming Candomblé, which was pulled off the shelves as it was considered hate literature (How's that for being a good Christian?) I would imagine that the flower vendor belongs to a Protestant sect.

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pettusfestival.jpgOnce we made it to the water, we saw the line of umpteen thousand, ready to take their gifts to the goddess.

iemanja.jpgCarol insisted on standing in the gargantuan line to present her beautiful basket of flowers. It was one of the best offerings in the queue, and I swelled with pride to have such a generous cousin. In reality I was just puffy from gratitude, once Carol told us we didn't have to stand there with her. I had already begun to chug water and spout it out of my pores like the cat in the cartoons that drinks a glass of water after being shot at point-blank range by the mouse. (See illustration.)catbullet.jpgI couldn't fathom Carol's dedication, but was glad to have her do it instead of me. Robo was openly deriding the entire concept and MOCKING the goddess! I didn't mock her openly, I cursed her silently for not talking to the goddess of the local environment and giving me a breeze of some sort. But no.

martyrmarch.jpgFestivalcrowd.jpgCarol got in the line like a dutiful Rio Vermelhoan, while we milled aimlessly through the crowd, trying to get up to see the goddess. There were all kinds of video cameras and stuff going on, so I barged up front politely and took these pictures of the goddess and the people who had gotten to the front of the line.

Who were the ladies in white being interviewed and photographed? I don't know. I suspect they are the wives of the heads of the Fishermen's Association, and probably have an Iemanjá sewing circle at their Yoruba Candomblé (worship place). But then, I could be wrong.

Notice the largish girl in the front. Is she gasping at the beauty of the goddess? Or is she about to throw up? I voted for number two and decided to say "buh-bye" to Iemanjá and skedaddle.

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Okay. I was hot. Jean was hot. It was time to sit down. And we had a place! Carol told us of an Iemanjá party being held at the home of Arilda Cardoso's sister, Danje, which was right directly across the street from this beautiful church.

churchfront.jpgOh yeah! A place to get more water. I hoped I wouldn't ruin any of her furnishings.








Fourth Day in Salvador, part 2--Festival of Iemanjá

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The Rio Vermelho neighborhood had been decorated in an undersea theme in honor of the Festival of Iemanjá. There were nets over the entire area, dotted with colorful sea life. When it got darker, the effect was really cool, but it was neat in the daytime, too.

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Danje Cardoso's house was only steps away from the Fisherman's Association headquarters, and Nelson herded us over there en masse. Once at the downstairs door, there was a guard-type guy who wanted to know who we were or who we knew. Nelson gave an acceptable password, because we were soon admitted to a very old building where Danje resided.

The stairs to the upper living area were narrow and looked like they were made of chalk. She had renovated the building with the same elements in mind that she and her sister had used when doing the Villa Forma gym. Recycled materials were put to intriguing use everywhere. There was a spectacular coffee table made from old machine parts and pieces of granite, if I can remember correctly. The art on the stucco walls was all fantastic, and Danje had put out her Iemanjá decor for the holiday just as most of Salvador had also done. Carol certainly had. Before we had left that morning, she showed us a great sculpture and wall hanging depicting the goddess in all her vain Bahian beauty.

The great thing about parties in Bahia is the custom associated with them: when someone opens up their home to you at a party, they are, in essence, making you the owner of the house for the day. Therefore, your friends can be invited once you're in. This may be oversimplification, but as I understood it from Carol, once I was in, the house was mine for the day. Each guest had that dispensation. So, if I wanted to invite a hooker from the beach to the party, I technically could, because I was owner for the day. But I believe the well-mannered guest would refrain from doing stuff like leaving peter tracks in the master bedroom or flushing toilet paper. Boy, would I have loved to have owned THIS gorgeous house!

Here's the view from the front balcony, which faces the street by the beach. The whole second floor was mainly for living: kitchen, living room, bathrooms, bedrooms, front balcony, back courtyard, and whatever else I didn't see.

viewDanjebalcony.jpgThe feature that interested me most at the moment was the cooler full of water and beer, and the shady courtyard with chairs aplenty for us. A couple of the seats were pretty flimsy, and I feared sitting in one only to have it give way and drop my sweating hunk to the ground. After looking around, we found suitable accommodations for all of us, save Carol, who was out in the streets sweating it out for us.

existentialism.jpgWe sat around, everyone sipping beer, me chugging water, discussing existentialism with Nelson, who not only speaks seven languages, but knows his way around Nietzsche and all those other deep thinkers the way he knows the streets of Rio Vermelho.

I emailed Robo this morning and asked him what it was we were discussing, since my encapsulation just couldn't do it justice:

At 05/09/08 10:23 AM, you wrote:
Hey there pal.
What was the existential conversation we were having with Nelson the day of the Iemanjá festival? When we were at Danje Cardoso's house?
I know you remember, because you ruminated over it the entire trip. So spill.
Thanking you in advance, I remain,

Robo replied:
He referenced a German (I think) philosopher -- seems like he was early 20th century -- who espoused that proof of existence could only be based on observation by another conscious being. I don't think we nailed down too many specifics on it. Among several questions related to it that I later posed when Nelson was conveniently not available: Was the philosopher alone when he wrote that? And if so, did he even exist?

Is that the conversation to which you are referring? [No preposition on the end of that sentence.]

Notice his remark about the preposition. He's an erudite sumbitch, I'll say that!

By this time, Pettus had gotten antsy and had to move. She decided to go down and wait in line with Carol for the rest of the way. When Nelson looked up and asked where Pettus was, and we said she had gone to meet Carol, he had a mild freakout: "Mollie will kill me! I was supposed to keep an eye on you!" with his vocal patina from years of teaching, and the inimitable caress of English that only a Latin can give. What a voice!

We assured him that Pettus was no hothouse flower, and if anything happened, she'd take care of it. It would have been funny to come out and find her standing over a local Salvadoran tough after having cold-cocked him. Because that's what would have happened.

Here's a picture Pettus took of Carol delivering her basket to the keepers of the gifts. Good shot!

carol-delivers-basket.jpgMeanwhile, back at the house, Danje had come into the courtyard, and I looked at her like she was a rock star. I was going to wait for Carol to get there to make the introduction.

danje.jpgCarol eventually showed up with Pettus in tow, and neither the worse for wear. Carol did chug a water upon arrival, but freshened up instantly. Amazing. Nothing ever fazed Pettus from the get-go. I was waterlogged, sweaty, still thirsty, and a little knotty in the midsection again. But not enough to keep me from swooning over Danje and pulling my most perfect "suado" and "beleza" from my bag of tricks.

CarolArilda'sSis.jpgI got a shot of the group, and we kissed and "beleza'ed" our way down the narrow stairs, out into the streets, and began the trek home.

DanjeBalcony.jpgOy! It's a hell of a lot easier to get down a hill than up one. Duh. But we managed. By that time, we knew the way, and knew the landmarks, too. There was a dental supply place that had a funny name. We parked there all the time and passed by just as much. Carol will supply the name. Maybe it was their logo. What was it?

dentalcoming.jpgAnyway, we threaded our way through the tapestry of smells, past "urine wall" and "distortion park" up, up, up the hill to Carol's house. Jean and I did pretty dern good considering her heel problems and my general blobbiness. Pettus, Robo, Carol, et al were right ahead of us. Up the hill we went, doggedly plodding our way home.

Past the front door of the house, which is really on the ground floor and opens into Cerqueira-la; past the gate man, his vertical thumb and his beautiful birds; past Carmen and Suely in the kitchen preparing for the upcoming pizza party in our honor; past the "whufft" of frigid air coming from under Daniel's still-occupied sleep chamber; past Patricia's "how was it?" and my "great!" exchange in the hall; into our bedroom to sit on the bed for 30 seconds before my mouth heated up like a lava lamp; and finally into the bathroom to BWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH all the water in my stomach into the little toilet with the beautiful green tortoise shell toilet seat.

wrath.jpgWelcome back, Ben! Did you have fun at the festival?

So here it all comes around. The synchronicity is shocking and insidious:

1. We fail to get up at dawn and regale Oxum, "the jealous queen of sweet waters."

2. I drink copious amounts of coffee, made from the "sweet waters of the tap."

3. Robo begins to deride Iemanjá, and is not even aware of the existence of Oxum. (The fact that he was so hip to the quick-dry material that's so popular in Brazil must have afforded him some sort of immunity to the wrath of the goddesses.)

4. I, the bloated tourist come to town, drink most of their "sweet water" and turn it into something else right before their very eyes. The goddesses can't take it anymore, and work together for the first time in Bahian history to exact a poetic revenge.

5. I return a huge amount of their sweet water at one time to their quaint sewer system.

6. I then immediately jump into a cold shower and stand as still as I can, covering myself with the sweet waters, which drain out of the tub in the same direction as they do here. Just like in Psycho.


Fourth Day in Salvador, part 3--Iemanjá pizza party

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Today's lunch entertainment was another party: a pizza fest in honor of Iemanjá and us. Carol had hired Ulysses to come in and do the pizzas--another master of the caliber of Sr. Itamar and Joasias. The pizza oven was the last piece of Cerqueira-la that had not been used on our visit. Like being able to use every bit of the pig but the squeal, we used every square inch of Cerqueira-la: all the chairs, all the tables, all the ovens, all the sinks, all the ping-pong tables, all the hammocks, all of the beauty and all the water. If we didn't use all the dishes, Carol made sure to hire a Bahian to come in and lick what we hadn't used, just to make sure it was all done correctly.

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After my liquid prayer session at the altar of Iemanjá and my redemptive shower, I flopped back down on the bed, this time covering up properly. Once again, I took a little nap while the guests arrived. All I ended up having to do was bring down a chair, my camera, and my groggy self. The sprinkler had been on next to the steps to Cerqueira-la, so the granite was wet and potentially treacherous to this cotton-headed oaf carrying down a chair, a camera, and stepping gingerly like a hippo ballerina in new Havaianas.

I tried to enter the party as surreptitiously as I could, but was nabbed. Half the place turned to look at me (through a fisheye lens). I felt like a convict in the spotlight, and wanted to do a dance into the little kitchen and through the secret tube back to the bedroom. Instead, I pulled out the camera and started shooting while I figured out what to say. The nap had fried my brain, and it was harder to get it started than a crappy old Toro lawn mower.

Ulysses was the natural thing to photograph, especially after Robo prompted me by saying "Look at him do that." Good simple sentence. Ben understand.

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ulyssessolo.jpgI was so proud of Daniel and the pizza oven named in his honor. I thought how clever it was of him to want the pizza oven, just knowing that we would one day come and enjoy it. A hot little igloo it was. Cute, round, enough to make Wolfgang Puck take a look. The ingredients were laid out on the table. The guests selected what they wanted, and Ulysses made half a pizza with that on it. Very neat.

pizzafixins.jpgOnce my head cleared and I had chugged a couple of waters, I met some of the guests. Ruybela Carteado is a Salvadoran artist and espouser of the arts. She is producing the Bahia Afro Film Festival, and I believe she teaches with Nelson. Tall, lithe, and elegant in movement, she was kind of like a personification of Iemanjá when I first saw her. But an Iemanjá that was from Liverpool. So strikingly beautiful! (Not Nelson)

nelsonRuybela.jpgShe gave me a card for the Film Festival which is very cool. It looks like Jimi Hendrix, first thing, and second thing, it has the Lacerda Elevator and an old church, probably Bonfim Church, reflected in his shades.


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By this time, Ulysses was passing out gorgeous flower petals of assorted pizza. Daniel was puffy with pride at the delicious use of his oven. We all were.  And here he is himself, along with Patricia, Jean, and Amina Dickerson.

Kraftlady,jeankids.jpg

Every good Salvadoran knows to decorate for the Festival of Iemanjá, and Carol had done her civic duty to the utmost. She had hung the beautiful tapestry over the buffet table, and the sculpture of the vain Iemanjá admiring her reflection stood among the vegetables, fruit and silverware. She had also tied foamy blue and white net and ribbon all over the place.

Too little, too late, if you asked me at the time. Iemanjá had made her displeasure with me known already. The old girl was high maintenance, that's for sure. And I say "old girl" with complete confidence, being as she IS the daughter of the creators of the world.

I continued to roam around the party, sampling a pizza petal now and again, but still chugging water like a fiend. I talked to Amina Dickerson for a while, learning that she worked for Kraft in Chicago. I told her how much I liked her Velveeta and her logo; being a big eater and an advertising man, I was qualified to do both.

CarlinhosPortrait.jpgAmina and her husband Julian Moore (who eluded my camera) were there for the evening festivities: Carlinhos Brown, another venerable Salvadoran music legend, had erected three or four massive stages on the very streets we tromped on that morning. Carlinhos and crew  (a bunch of stars!) were the ones to run through the streets at dawn, singing for Oxum. I hated to have missed that, but I was wallowing in the rack.

Carlinhos was also the spearhead behind the massive Iemanjá decorations, and was the Big Daddy of the huge family of entertainers who were going to pass through those stages. More music! On top of the sonic blast from Carnaval. It only happens once in a blue moon, and we were there to witness it.

Hold on!! That meant we had to walk back down there and back up again! Aieee!! Well, at least there were a bunch of other folks to share to trek: Cindi and Bill Howley and their kids, a very nice bunch, I'll say. The youngest son was what an old lady (or I) would call "a little scamp". All the kids were cute as hell, polite and not afraid to speak to weird old men in new Havaianas.

pizzaguestfamily.jpgWait! I just found Carol's dossier on the Howleys. Encapsulated: The Howley family is Bill, Cindi, Annie, Clara and Tom. Bill works for Winrock International, an offshoot of the Rockefeller Foundation whose mission is renewable energy and sustainable development. Cindi recently went back to work at a winery -- right up her alley. They lived in Brazil for almost five years, roughly between 94-99.

So. The Little Scamp's name is Tom. He'll always be The Little Scamp to me.

dentalgoing.jpgI was also in error about Ruybela. She doesn't teach with Nelson: Ruybela Carteado was with Julian and Amina. She is a dynamic promoter of anything to be promoted that keeps her going between her home here and in Philadelphia.

It was time to go. And the new shirt I put on became an old shirt instantly.

Down, down, past urine wall and surroundings, past the dental supply place, finally breaking "free" where we came out that morning. But breaking free involved running into a brick wall of humanity grooving to the Brazilian sounds coming from Stage One.

No camera. Jean had the disposable. Which gave the event a whole William Eggleston quality to it. He always took only one shot of anything. Not a billion shots of the same thing. One shot. The three taken with the disposable are the only ones, if I'm not mistaken.

carlinhos1.jpgIt was flat packed to the gills down there! And everybody knew all the words to the songs again! Grrrrrr! Our group moved through the crowd with the cohesion of a paramecium, undulating from all sides. One person would see a good place to stand (forget about sitting) and pull the crowd that way. Then another move. Then another. We were actually better where we were at the beginning. We could see and hear the stage better. The move that looked attractive, up a little rise on a side street, was ultimately not as good.

And goodness gracious was I ever thirsty! We ALL were. But the crowd-to-vendor ratio was woefully bad. If one of the enterprising Bahians had had a REALLY big cooler full of water and a few beers, he could have put his children through college on the money he would have made that day. God bless Bill Howley. Not only did he carry Tom on his shoulders for a large part of the time, he voluntarily pierced the throng to buy us beer. And he wouldn't even take my money, to boot! What a guy.

carlinhos2.jpgI drank half the beer Bill brought me, but my body screamed "WATER!!!" We were on a rise, the street made of cobblestones. My Crocs were steady and sturdy 99.9% of the way, but the cobbles would get me every now and then. I staggered through the crowd, throwing around an occasional "licença" (excuse me). I finally found one vendor who was being besieged just as he set down his giant styrofoam treasure chest. Talk about your piranhas! I managed to snag a water and have it finished before I could make it back to the mother ship.

All the music from the stage was smoking hot Brazilian when we first got there. The crowd was happy and benign, and singing along, probably like they'd do at a kids' soccer game. But then the music got slow and introspective and quiet. For a long time. The crowd was getting kind of distracted because they were louder than what was coming from the stage. There is no reason to do that. These people should have been rocking the house. Carol even got bored, and asked if anybody was ready to leave.

The Howleys were ten steps ahead of us. We watched them disappear into the crowd, eventually only seeing a very tall Tom as they were enveloped by the mass.

On our way out Carol and Nelson stoped to samba to some of the music blaring out of huge outdoor speakers at this bar. They far eclipsed the sound from the stage, disappearing in the distance. And the people at the bar and outside were raising hell and having a blast.

carolnelsondance.jpgThat's why I couldn't understand why the groups on the stage had ceased to play the party music. Don't get me wrong. The slower stuff was pretty, and would have been great if you were sitting in a bar listening to it while a ceiling fan rotated slowly above your head and a beautiful Bahian served you roskas. But here, we were international potted meat, and wanted to get our pipoca on. I'm sure it was just a slow stretch, but it felt like an eternity, and a large group of festival goers tends to be pretty ADD. We were no exception.

It's such a weird sensation to break free of a gigantic jamboree like that one. The crowd becomes thinner and thinner, the streets clearly show the aftermath of the human traffic, and the smells are presented to you in a crystal clear fashion. The disappearing dusk drove it home even more. There were a bunch of us, but it was still kind of a lonely feeling at the same time. I'm sure that our having to leave the next day added to it. For some reason, it was a vivid reminder of leaving the Alabama State Fair by the secret gate that only a "few" people knew about--the one with the best parking and the non-crowded entrance.

We magically made it up the hill somehow. Surely our training of the afternoon hadn't hurt. At the house, I decided to sit in the cold tub for a while. My engine tends to run hot all the time, but it was in overdrive, and I needed to cool 'er down. Jean and Carol sat up there for a while and chatted while I played the manatee and watched the sky.

We had a pickup kind of dinner. Carol dragged everything out of the refrigerator, and we had a big ole smorgy accompanied by the ever-popular manioc flour. At this point, it was decided that Daniel and Patricia were going to join us in Rio.

Robo had posed the idea earlier in the trip. Daniel and Patricia were the perfect traveling companions for many reasons: smart, fun, lively, curious, irreverent. Oh. And they both spoke Portuguese. We may have still taken them even without all the glowing adjectives. And Robo was not terribly keen on being language deficient in Rio for 7 days. Relying on me to tell everybody about my sweat and about the beauty was just not gonna be enough.

Therefore, as president of whatever one of his endeavors it was, Robo authorized a grant to underwrite part of D&P's trip to Rio to stay with us in the huge house (that slept 13), learn about Rio and its Carnaval themselves, and help us survive same. Carol immediately went upstairs to book flights, and I went into Daniel's temporary lair to celebrate our success by watching TV with my new BKFs. I had completely flipped into paternal mode, and was loving it.

Would Carol want them back after we got through with them? There are a million literary and musical references from throughout history that say "não."





Departure from Salvador to Rio

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Oh sad day.

The night before, Jean and I had rummaged through all our stuff, which had somehow managed to land not only all over the room, but on the walls, shelves, and under the bed. There were shirts of mine still damp hanging everywhere. Aiee! I couldn't wait to pack it in a suitcase and experience it upon unpacking.

packingposition.jpg Suely had done laundry a couple of times during our trip, but we were going through clothes at a ridiculous clip, and by the conclusion of the Iemanjá event, I had been through four shirts. All wet. All hanging up along Daniel's bedroom wall. I'm sure they had the delousing crew in after we had left. And was that paint peeling when we first got there? I didn't think so.

Our packing mission was two fold. Not only did we have to just pack to go, we had to begin thinking about how to combine the necessary stuff into one suitcase in case that's all we could take into the Amazon. That was fun. All that bending over! Whee! I felt like a tube of toothpaste being squeezed by a wasteful child--right from the middle, with bulges at both ends. That is not a natural pose for a human being. (See illustration.) We didn't start walking upright eons ago just to have to bend over again.

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Meanwhile, the gate man's birds had gotten loose and flown into Robo and Pettus' bedroom and packed for them, all the while doing an axé version of "Whistle While You Work."

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Blackberry. Blackberry. Blackberry.

Out of bed on the first triplet of horror. Slightly smug because the packing had come together so well the night before. Slightly queasy from having my insides pinched like a garden hose. There's no telling what was trying to get out on each end. Slightly anxious about a new location and the logistical clusterfuck that usually results.

We weren't terribly rushed, since our plane was at 10:30.

What the HELL am I talking about? We were going on TAM!!

We had a delicious last breakfast. Patricia had gotten up already, but Daniel was still delightfully comatose in the lair of cool. Here's a great picture of Patricia and Robo. The subtext is startling and Nabokovian. It's so odd that Robo insisted on using this particular coffee mug every day we were there. I saw him trying to put it in his suitcase, but the birds had condensed everything to an 18"x24"x6" package, hermetically sealed it, and done the saran wrap treatment for free. He couldn't get it in.

hellokittycup.jpgIt was time to go. Daniel had appeared mysteriously, with manioc flour all over his mouth and a real desire to get out of there. Both guest families gratuitized Suely and Carmen for all their wonderful help during our trip. It was the perfect amount--more than a local would give, but not enough to convey the fact that American-sized tips are de rigueur.

We packed into the SUV, with D&P in the backback, Jean, Robo & Pettus in the middle seat, and Carol and me up front. My feet were already shoeless and on the dash by the time we had gotten our final (sob!) thumbs-up from the gate man and headed down the serpentine course to the airport for the last time. THIS time.

We got there about 8:30. Plenty o' time. Uh. Yeah.

At first, we stood in an interminable line at TAM with only one agent. But not for near as long as usual. Pretty soon, the requisite 3 extra agents appeared magically, one even sorting the lines out into Rio and São Palo. Our line was shorter, and the agents, all cute Brazilian girls, zoomed us through the luggage check in and boarding pass retrieval. Jean of course tried to see if they were in the mood to bump us up to first class, but the agent looked at her like she didn't understand.

By now we had decided that I needed potassium to help my depleted little system. I had eaten a banana for breakfast, wanting not much else but some bread. Carol recommended that I try coconut water. All the Brazilians drink it for electrolyte and potassium replenishment. It's the water in a green coconut that has had the top removed. In Salvador, Rio, and all the beach cities, they serve coconut water fresh out of the coconut as much as they serve just about anything. We drank some in the Amazon. You'll see!

But since there were no green coconuts and machete handy, Carol got it for me in a little plastic bottle at one of the myriad cool eateries in the airport. She and Robo got an espresso, Jean and Pettus got juice and Diet Coke, and I got plain coffee (along with my coconut water). I could tell it was healthful when I drank it, because it "tasted" healthful. Like, kind of, uh, like the stuff you drink before you have a colonoscopy. I couldn't wait to have it STRAIGHT from the coconut.

After we choked down, I mean, enjoyed our drinks, I insisted on having Carol take me to the CD place in the airport to get some local music while they waited for TAM to open up our flight for boarding. It would surely take long enough to allow me to peruse the entire store. We had plenty of time. Really. According to TAM we did. So Carol and I cruised down there, went through a bunch of stuff aided by a helpful store guy who was merchandising but not pushy. I ended up with several CDs: a live Ivete Sangalo, a Carnaval sampler from 2007, Gilberto Gil retrospective, and Margareth Menzes' Afropopbrasileiro.

The store had a (qweeka), one of my favorite Brazilian percussion instruments. I know I've misspelled it. The sound is like somebody kind of sobbing. Whenever I would imitate it (which was perfect in my head), I would get lousy reviews from any audience that heard it. I wanted to buy one, but thought it might be trouble to travel with. But I was beginning to waffle.

Oh well. I had no time to decide to get it after all, because we were frantically summoned by Patricia (or Daniel) (or both) to get out there! TAM was ready for us. We hugged goodbye, knowing that D&P would be joining us in a day. Leaving Carol was the real bummer. And leaving the whole air of friendly, energetic calm that permeates Bahian life was killing me. I didn't know what Rio would be like, but had a feeling it was gonna be more "big city-like."

But we weren't out of there yet.

Once we made it in the ante-chamber of inspection, it was another case of power-mad airport people with nothing better to do than piss a bunch of people off. Oh it was wonderful. This time at least we had Robo and Pettus to bitch with. There were also several other people (who spoke English this time, though not Americans) waiting to get on this flight to Rio. The security people were letting people in at a rate of 1 every three minutes. Seriously. There was some kind of group there behind us and our miserable compatriots, trying to get on the plane with us. But this group was a bunch of greenies as far as OUR line was concerned.

Suddenly here comes this guy "in charge" of stuff, asking where we all were going. "Rio!" we all shouted, including the people in the group. This dipshit guy suddenly grabs the papers from this group guy and pulls the whole bunch in front of us, counting them as they marched smugly past us, their backpacks swaying, through security and into the inner sanctum.

Hooooo Boooy! Did this make a bunch of us mad. PARTICULARLY a pair of 60-ish women from a Balkan-area country who began to bitch LOUDLY in ENGLISH. Unfortunately, Balkan-English from two old Balkan women has a concentrated amount of "bitch" in it, enough to make everybody cringe. Of course, this made the "guy" mad, and he began to not only ignore these two women, but began to take random people from behind us in the line, all the while punishing US because we were standing next to these women.

Everybody was hot, hot hot! It was the consummate Brazilian airport experience, though there would be so many others to follow. We finally got through at the eleventh hour. By then we were practically yanked through the line, then slung down the hall at a running gallop to some mysterious gate.

And yes, it was the classic "hurry up and wait" scenario again. We had the impression that our plane was taking off as we plummeted down the hallway to the gate. I didn't want to have to chase the plane down the runway!

No. It was a few minutes before takeoff by whatever clock they were using. The line of people wasn't too bad, but they were just standing there. We had time to go across the hall to a gift shop and buy several Salvador Tshirts, me buying a couple of Ivete Sangalo shirts in delicious double XL and 100% cotton to boot! I told the salesgirls about my suado-ness and how I had a crush on the beleza Ivete, then followed it with the Roy Orbison growl. They were giggling by then. No stopping me at that point. I began to gush over Salvador and the Bahians in my virgin Portuguese with all the sincerity that was deserved. They were the last Salvadorans we would see on the trip. Snif.

We went into the anteroom and got in line. There was a woman sitting on a mat against the wall meditating as we came in. How she did it there, I'll never know. I'm sure it was to ease her fear of flying. I was sorry she had to do that, because I would have just had a few drinks. Maybe she had never thought of that. Hold it! We were going on TAM, the liquorless airline! I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her to scoot over. I was going to join her.

Eventually the line began to move, and we headed down the tube to the plane, stockyard fashion. It was as if there were going to be a man around the corner that was going to do a jackhammer on our heads as we passed by.

That's about half right.

Salvador to Rio

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Once we had entered the plane we saw that it was not totally packed. It gave us a glimmer of hope that the 3+-hour flight could possibly be made with an empty seat between Jean and me. When we're flying Southwest, we have a method that usually yields us the empty seat:
• Make no eye contact with those coming down the aisle
• Buy or rent Enquirer, Star, Globe, and Hustler and spread them all over the three seats
• Buy or rent used cups and food paper to spread around with the magazines
• Take shoes off and display sock feet prominently
• Sit as fatly in the seats with as much body spilling all over the place as possible--think "Jabba the Hutt"

But this was TAM, and the seats were assigned. We went ahead and tried the "method" anyway, hoping that any possible row companion would be compelled to find another seat without even attempting actual contact with us.

Either "the method" worked, or there was nobody else assigned to our row, because we had that golden empty seat--a small piece of aeronautical real estate worth more per square inch than the finest Fifth Avenue penthouse.

To top off this small victory, the TAM candy greeting was right behind. This time, we both took two candies. I still didn't have the nerve to get a handful like I had seen other people do. Being that we were gonna be on the plane with the stewardess for all that time, I didn't want our first introduction to be greed-based. I was counting on some real TAM service, untainted by a bad first impression. THIS time, I wasn't going to even THINK of the people up in first class. Uh huh.

The stewardesses were cute as hell, as usual. THIS time, maybe we really WERE gonna experience the TAM luxury they foretold with the candies. Then, as if by magic, our little TVs came on with the flight instructions given in four or five languages. Yippee!! Until Jean's TV immediately began to strobe and change colors rapidly. It was totally trippy, but useless for watching anything. She turned it off and looked at me. We both burst out laughing.

And don't think the in-flight entertainment wasn't top notch. If the trip weren't long enough for a couple of movie options, they would stick in a videotape (not a CD, a videotape) of either a CBS drama or comedy. The problem was, besides the inherent rotten playback quality of an overused videotape at the get-go, they tended to start a one-hour drama when there wasn't enough time left in the flight to see the end. That happened several times during our travels. It was as if whoever it was that taped the show had forgotten to set their VCR correctly and the last 10 minutes were missing, so they played it back for the passengers accordingly.

After a little flying time, I was hungry. The coconut water had cured me! Not really. Flying makes me hungry. Like anything does. Suddenly, the big "food and beverage cart parade" showed its head at the back of the plane. Of course. We were almost at the front of the plane.

So here they come, moving like slugs, greeting people left and right in Portuguese, and doling out what, on any menu, should be called "The Oliver Twist." First of all, you're sitting there trying not to obviously crane your neck to see what they're serving. Then you're trying not to drool all over the Enquirers and Hustlers, but can't WAIT for that stupid cart to get to your place. By then you've figured out the pattern: left aisle; smile; serve meal, ask for drink order; give drink order to drink caboose; serve drinks. Right aisle: lather, rinse, repeat.

And then it gets close to you, and suddenly the pattern
changes! They start going three rows at a time on one side, completely bypassing YOU! WHAT???

Did I still have a little taint from Iemanjá on me somewhere? Now, besides just squirming and salivating; I was politely, internally steaming, too. But here was the cart, finally! Two foil-covered packets were handed to us rather unceremoniously, I thought.

"Drink? Uh. Bloody Mary?" asks Jean, doing the traditional raised volume and implied quote marks.
"?" replies the stewardess.
"Tomato juice?" asks Jean, loudly.
"?"
"Liquor?" asks Jean. I lean over and do the "drinky-drinky" motion for the stewardess. She nods and holds up a bottle of wine.
"Diet Coke? Coke Lite?" Jean enunciates, as if she were chewing ice. The stewardess pulls out a can of Jean's second choice, plops two ice cubes in a tiny plastic cup, and pours it three-quarters full.
"May I have the can?" Jean shouts, masticating and enunciating like a pro. The stewardess is nonplussed as she hands her the can.

Having already decided that unless I wanted a Red Wine Sunrise, there was nothing liquory to be had. Besides, the red wine was already open. Uh. This was a morning flight. When was it opened? Shudder. I ordered club soda and lime AND coffee. Egads, in retrospect, I wonder if the coffee was made with "plane water". Double shudder!

Never mind! The FOOD was here! Jean and I both reverently furled the foil on our breakfast treasures. "Fresh"-like fruit salad, some bready thing, and then the items that scream "LUXURY": the butter, packaged as if it were churned by the actual descendants of Dom Pedro II; the cheese, with some logo on it indicating how only the most elite get to eat it; and the "jelly" made from the belly button lint of Venus and "kissed" with a hint of jasmine or equivalent. Yeah, great. But it was in reality, a FREEKING PAT OF BUTTER, smaller than a credit card size piece of cheese, and enough jelly to spread on a communion wafer. I'd rather have a trio of Brand X butter, cheese and jelly with a decent Zippy Mart-sized pack of saltines to go with it. Hell, a small "classy" tin of sardines or fish steaks would also be great with the saltines, too! Except a whole planeful of that would be kind of "fragrant."

We nevertheless attacked the food. It's always great to open that stuff, like the little baby butter, especially with my sausage fingers. All that internal packaging does nothing but take up potential food space! Sigh. I was beginning to seethe again, as I envisioned them in First Class, eating Eggs Benedict, drinking Mimosas and laughing at all of us in "economy class" as they watched us on closed circuit High-Def TV.




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